Since I feel like being a bum today, lets just post some ignance.
O-Mothafucking-Le'. But not every one stans for our mischeif :(
But then again, no one on the corner has swagga like us.
*Shudders* Yep, so lets play a little game of "Wheres The Bitches", kinda like Wheres Waldo, but more sexier. Your job is to locate the two infamous bitches of this blog in the first gif. Don't worry, I will leave a clue, we both were dancing, good luck peoples.
You mean to tell me we have done a hundred of these mofos all ready...Oh no man this is a joke...No way possible we are at a hundred and haven't got not nah, not one e-mail, fax, stamped letter saying that we should shut down house or the feds goin do an invasion...LMAO, yo fam, today is the day like David Spade, and tonight is the night like Betty Wright...Never thought that we would see the day, but your oh so fabulous bitches that despise snitches are proud to say we made it to 100 mothafucking posts(though I did most of the work, that other heffa came in at the end, and expecting some cut)...To be honest I really don't know why we are suppose to be celebrating this, but apparently to Blogger and Bloggers this is a big deal...I honestly don't give a fuck, but we goin go ahead and keep the peace...Now, if you don't know how the misses and the gang celebrates or maybe even just forgot, let me school ya a lil bit...There will be lots of drankin...and I do mean lots, I have the tolerance of a bull...Lots of smoking, no need to elaborate, and whatever the hell else comes to mind(mainly just watch youtube videos and laugh our asses off)...In honor of such a joyous event, why not play a clip from one of my fav D.V.D's...Oh and no victory will be complete without thanking the people behind the scenes of this awful movie of a blog we got going...So yes Fam, thanks a million, for without your, what are we up to averaging like four views a day, this blog would be lamer than The Pussycat Dolls...HOLLA!!!
Everyone knows (or at least I think so) how I feel about commitment, let alone marriage, and no its not a matter of immaturity, addiction, or any other classification of my choices that in all honesty can't be classified. I'm just ME, and can't possibly fathom being with one person until, well until. With nothing but respect for those who make that decision, its just not my thing. So, of course I'm gonna find humor in wedding mishaps. Its kinda my past time, jk, but I live for a good accident, mishap, or anything that involves mofos busting their asses, getting bitch slapped, antiqued, ruining coffee tables, and such. Long story short, the misses emailed a video of a wedding ceremony gone wrong, naturally I laughed cause, well I won't spoil it. In-te-hoo, after viewing the hilariousness, I decided to view some of the commentary as well, and I must say that "White America", and feel free to kiss my ass for the generalization, has no gatt damn sense of humor. True, its a very special moment of your life and should be perfect, blah, blah, blah, but come on, lighten up. I know personally, if something like this were to happen at a Hispanic, or even Black wedding not one soul in that mofo would have silenced the laughter, cause well, thats what we do, laugh at funny shit. Oh and don't take my word for it, here is some of the commentary.
Man I would kill that dude if that would be me (Wow, is it that serious? Now I would mos def cause bodily harm to a skank over some lemonade jelly beans, but not neva over, well just watch the video)
The groom is not worth his salt...He should have jumped in after her in a heartbeat! So much for, "I love you with all my soul"
(*With a puzzled look on my face* Ummm, no comment)
Yep, truly corny mofos. Forgive me white people for I have *proceeds to count on one hand*(oh the irony) some white friends, I think. Maybe its just me, but "White America" tickles the shit out of me. Do these mofo's really think that having Stretch-Armstrong and a MILF(Yes, indeed I would) as the next president is a master plan. Uggg, the stupidity and wrong post, lets get back to it shall we. Point of this rant, what "others" may find funny, I'm sure Lucy or Becky won't. In their minds, once again bite me for the generalization, the thought of Kyle or Steve busting their asses is no funny matter. And to that I say with a look of seriousness, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
The video in question, now tell me this isn't some funny shit.
LMAO, I don't see why she was so upset. If it was me, I would have forced the misses to throw some instant jello into that bitch, and made it a night to remember. Speaking of which,
So fam I totally forgot that I would be doing the posting for the next couple of weeks...For everyones favorite hoochie is/will be in Seattle for the next couple of weeks doing whatever the hell she does to make money...Prostituting if you ask me, but who am I to judge anyone...
Random Events And Occurrences Of The Week:
Yesterday I didn't have any classes until the evening...So the whores that I call friends came over to supposedly aid in my studying...Little of this studying that I speak of happened...The hilarity that was pretty much my afternoon began when Sierra called to rant about traffic and the prices of drinks in the rainy city...Me being the genius that I am decided to put her on speaker phone...I should probably state that the majority of the time that we are "all" together is filled with arguments and threats...Its kind of a love/hate relationship between us...Anyhoo let the fuckery begin...This shit went on for about an hour, long story short, everyone called cease fire when "Chris" threatened to go to war on Sierra's baby the Benz G500 using coontactics and armor-all...I haven't laughed so hard in weeks...I could just imagine the look on her face when she said that...Y'all just don't know how obsessed she is with that damn truck...Anyways being the hispanic/black mix that she is politely began to cuss that ass out in a mixture of spanglish/gibberish...She says the shit so fast no one can understand a word she's saying...Yeah good mothafuckin times...
Speaking of school, things are pretty much going in my favor right now...Biology is a bitch, but I straight up raped my last few tests...The shit was quite trying, but I aced it no doubt...
The mans is still fat & sexy...But he straight up got the time game fucked up...A few nights ago we stayed up til like 4 in the morning smoking and dranking...And of course eating random shit like chili and guacamole...Hey don't knock it until you try it...Anyhoo, went to bed at 4...I forgot to set the alarm clock, for my ass had to be in class at 8:35 the next day...Lets see I was awakened at 8 with a hard dick in my ass, with a smile on its owners face...I was like baby I'm going to be late as it is and you want to add on to it...And we had all night to fuck, you want to wait until ten minutes until I have to be in class to bone...Nah son, you got the game fucked up...This of course fell on dry ears...I, of course missed the first class of the day, but made him make it up to me by taking me out to lunch...I need a new hobby...
Thats it fam, I'm going to leave you with a little "Soul Shadows"...I've been feeling Bill like a mofo lately, and this is my jam...I'LL HOLLA...
There are only two well maybe three things that the misses fear...God(I Luvs Jesus, believe it or not)...My Mother(Okay, my thing is this is the only chick that can hit me and I can do absolutely nothing about it...Any other broad can get it with the quickness)...And flying(Scared to death, do you hear me)...
Two Plane tickets...Delta Airlines(First Class Of Course)...$2154.00
Two weeks supply of Tylenol, Likka, and No-Doze for S.M...Uno Grande'
Everything that is possibly needed for the survival of a very spoiled puppy with her aunt S.M...Along with the current issue of "puppy power"...$375.00
Travel wardrobe...You don't want to know...
Nose piercing(Well I don't have it yet, but I will on Thursday. This is the only piercing that I have left to do.) $46
Get the hair fried, dyed(I am really getting the hair dyed...Back to black baby...Red makes me look mean as fugg, and everyone knows that I am a super nice person *looks around*), and flipped to the side...$128(Its worth it dammit)
Mani & Pedi...$75
Arguing with F as to why I need to bring 14 pairs of shoes with me on vacation...Priceless, or at least me "having my way" and the make-up sex was...
Anyways fam, I am going on vacation...Yes, yes, yes, words cannot express how excited I am...That is until I think about the five hour flight to Louisiana that we have...Straight up bullshit...Y'all just don't know...I mean I'm good through security, boarding, seating, hell even take-off...What kills me is that turbulence B.S...I can just pretty much imagine the scenario...
*Beep**And by this time I'm gonna be tipsy as hell* "Good afternoon this is your captain speaking...We will be experiencing a little TURBULENCE...please remain seated and buckle your seatbelts" *still calm* *still calm* *plane begins to shake* *a little stirred, but no biggie* *plane shaking so terribly my glass of Moet falls to the floor**In my loud ghetto tone* "Aww, you know what, this is straight up bullshit...Turbulence my ass, I mean you ain't got to lie to me...Is this mothafucka going down...Don't lie to me bytch..." "No Ma'am its just turbulence" *Crying hysterically* "I'm too young to die, I have a puppy to take care of...Who's gonna take care of her if this bytch goes down...I don't wanna die...I don't wanna die...Oh lawd why" And ETC!!! So yes fam, this shall be an interesting Friday... You know what I'm sick of...My mothafucking neighbors and their constant need to fuck...I know I can't talk about anyone, seeing how you can catch me riding F's dick at least 4 hours out of the day...But y'all just don't know...I've been over there at least six times within the past week to tell them mothafuckas to keep it down...Anyhoo, I will be on vacation until I feel like coming back...I promise to bring back souvenirs...Pictures at the most...Well thats it fam...I miss ya already...
Update: Yes, Yes the Bytch is back...I probably won't speak on my trip until tomorrow and thats not a promise...Anyways today is our baby's 3 month birthday so we are gonna take her to the park and have a little picnic/party for her...Peace out Fam...
So whats up peoples...How the hells was yo weekend...Mine, well the usual...You know the type of weekend that when I wake up there is at least three things that usually come out of my mouth..."Who the fuck are you?"..."This is some bullshit"...or "You've got to be kidding me"...Not so much of the "Who the fuck are you" since I've hanged up the hooker badge for F...More so of the other two...Anyways peoples ya gurl was/is being phone stalked...By this guy whom I messed around with like three years ago...
"Whats up mami how are you" "Good papi, ¿Y tú?" "Pretty good" "Now I must ask this and please forgive me if I should know but exactly who am I speaking with(I had no clue)" "This is Pedro(his name isn't really Pedro, I'm just using this because he's Mexican, and we all know at least one Mexican named Pedro)" "Not ringing a bell, but obviously you know me...May I ask how?" "Don't you remember we had a thing a few years ago" "Now I do...What can I do for you" "I was thinking that we could you know talk, catch up" "Why" "I think that what we had wasn't meant to be just a one-time thing" "Like hell it wasn't" "Why" "Baby I really don't know how you got my number, to be honest with you I don't give a damn...But we boned, thats it...Not nothing shall come from it...Besides it was like three years ago...Trust me I wasn't thinking about your ass...Lets see, I've gotten divorced...Went on a fuck-spree, and met my future ex-hubby(Just kidding babe if you read this)...So as you can see what we had was just that, a ride & goodbye..." "You don't mean that" "Like hell I don't...Besides it could never work between us...I'm trying to get a Black Card...You don't even have a green card...I don't mean to demean you or anything...Its just that I am a very, very, picky woman, not only when its comes to myself...But also any man that I spend time with..." "Oh I see, but I still think that if you give me a chance" "(I cut that mofo off mid-sentence)THIS ISN'T GONNA WORK!!! Do us both a favor and lose my gat damn number" *Click*
So yes fam this was the first convo of four...I've always knew that I had that stalker-type puzzay, but I didn't think that the effects would still be there three years later...I'm making progress though...Seduction, Seduction, yeah I'm gonna discuss this a little later this week...Be looking for it fam...Well thats it World...I'LL HOLLA!!!
Update: F sent me this video a few minutes ago...I agree Mr. Ja Rule, baby its ya body...Cause if we went by that face of yours, I wouldn't touch you with a broom-stick...And F darling......................boy stop it...
So...I promise to post the details of my weekend sometime in the near future...I know y'all was like when is she goin tell us SOMETHING...Sometime in the near future...Right now I'm just not in the mood...Pissed off to say the least...But I should be fine once I wake up from this nap I plan on taking...Anyways, right now I am pissed off beyond pissed...And the bad thing about me is that once it starts it doesn't stop...What caused the wrath was the fact that I forgot that both of my AGM's were going on vacation this week...Which means that I would have to open the restaurant...Which also meant that I would have to wake up at 4 in the morning to do so...I completely forgot about it until Sunday before bed, and by that time I was belligerently drunk...And was like "Oh shit I have to be to work in 2 hours"...No way I could call them up and say, "ya know what, I change my mind about the whole vacation thing" just because I forgot and was very irresponsible...So I didn't even go to bed that night...Just stayed up soaking in my anger...It was nobody's fault but my own...So thats what started it...Get to work and realize that I haven't opened the place in so long I didn't even remember the alarm combo...After minutes of verification, that was taken care of...Blah, Blah, Blah, more shit on top of shit...I was about ready to slap the shit out of someone...Mind you no one did a damn thing to me...Its just once I actually get mad...It takes absolutely nothing after this to make matters worst...I'm serious, someone could look at me and their ass is getting cussed out...Matter of fact, once I left the job, I went to Safeway to purchase a bottle of wine for dinner...This little old lady said only the mere word of hi to me and was told off in the "Southern Comfort" manner that is hid underneath the "niceness"...Anyways she said hi...My response, "Why the fuck are you hi'ing me, like seriously...Does it look like I really want to be chatting with your ass right now...Riddle me this, do I really look like the friendly person you have so mistaken me for...Don't let the dimples fool you...I'm a tooth-chipper all day."...I'm actually starting to feel sorry about myself and this day...Which means that I'm returning to normal...So until then fam, just know that once I get some well needed rest(I'm so tired my knees hurt) I will be back to my old self...
The wonderful Wizard Of Oz...I need some courage...
Happy 4th fam, enjoy yoselves...Its a mothafucking celebration... I'm off to hell(the lake)...But trust this song will be banging our entire drive there... I'LL HOLLA
*Whispering in my mans ear* See I look to good for this necklace And I look to good to be wearing this You know I look way too good to be innocent I'm conceited I got a reason
See I look to good to be driving that And I look to good to be buying that You know I look way to good to be trying that I'm conceited I got a reason
UPDATE: I survived the wilderness...we are about to go blow some shyt up...I just had to post this pic of me outside baitshop...
See I was in the spirit...But F talked me out of the original stripper outfit I had every intention of wearing...I'm off to party til my lungs give out...Maybe even do a little fuggin...Who knows...
