Almost...

So I paid my taxes (yay)...But I have the flu (Boo)...

If You Didnt Know, Well Now You Do...

Well fam, this is gonna be the last post for about a month, reason being is that I just finished moving back to LA, and dammit I need a break...Anyways there is well over a hundred posts here to keep ya entertained in our, and I say our because well the other half of this blog is on a hiatus as well...What's her reason, I have no clue...Peace out fam, and see you soon...

Blunts Galore...

Thats right bitches, y'all know what time it is...I'm high as hell right now, thanks Buddha...anyways as usual, you know the deal...this post will be random as hell, but very entertaining I hope...Lets get started shall we...

I realize now that I have some questionable ways...for instance, I don't too much care for fish, but give me some california rolls or sashimi and you've just possibly bought yourself a B.J.

I swore off Tequila on my birthday(long story), tell me why I'm on my third margarita extra rita right now...

To the Catholic kids at the school across the street from my house, I apologize sincerely, I honestly didn't/don't mean to scream the Lords name in vain every morning when you guys are out there on recess...In my defense, I was always taught to speak my mind...

Nia Long is sooooo fucking hot...

Who doesn't love the year 69

speaking of 69, I loves it

I use to eat crayons, which explains my love of hot candle wax dripping on my body, or maybe not, lol

I'm not as boojie as some may think, for I love hamburger helper...yeah I fucks with the glove, or hand, whatever the fuck the mascot is on the box...just add meat, milk and water...sounds like one of my sexual experiences gone wrong huh?

I stans for Reggae...

90% of the words out my mouth are vulgar, fuck yeah...see I told you so...

Dead people scare me...

I'm sooo sick of the word "swagger"...but hey if you got it flaunt it

my fatt ass need to go on a diet asap...I'm starting to love food more than sex, and thats not a good look in my book...Cause, well I'm a freak, but hey maybe I should involve food into......fuck that my sheets are expensive, something has got to give...

Justify my thug

I'm 22 so it only makes sense to have 22 inch rims on my baby...Oh wait, I don't think you guys have ever seen her... well I'm gonna post some pics...





Oh yes, she's sooo sexy, her name is Nina btw...

anyways back to the randomness, there are some dick-matized chicks here in oh well you know where I reside, anyways a mothafucka can eat my cooch from the back with the entire shut if down posse in his mouth and I still wouldn't buy him no damn house...Dumb hoes...

I can't stand Beyonces' ass, but I totally respect her...Her shit is fierce...

T-pain makes me want to sew my pussy lips together, honestly why is this mothafucka still in the gene-pool...fucking coon

Angel Lola said she can get a Bentley from a blowjob...so you're telling me that men are buying hoes Bentleys over some head, if thats the case, why are you still "modeling" in rap videos...Bitch we're in the middle of a recession, yo ass might and I say might get a remote control car out of one of these men, but I totally doubt a Bentley...

Pussy stocks are at a all time low right now...Thanks Angel Lola...

And on that note fam, time to light up again, I'm out...

P.S. weed makes me sooo horny so lets trade places...

Making Love To Nikki...

We will discuss our recent disappearance sometime in the future...Lets just say the revelation will be a bit surprising...Anyhoo, I've been making love to Nikki, well not exactly, moreso Nick...Over the past couple of days I've been making some, well a ton of shocking conclusions(blame it on the weed) via my life...Long story short, I NEED TO MAKE CHANGES, whether it be financially, emotionally, spiritually, health-wise, and the list goes on...No joke I REALLY NEED TO MAKE CHANGES, this shit is insane...Anyways back to making love to Nikki...Also, in my little self-evaluation, LOVE was on the top shelf of things to be re-arranged, dusted, twisted, turned, re-did.......You know I used to think, back in my immaturity of Lessons in Love, that it never worked or could'nt possibly work because well..."He's never home", "Who's this/that bitch", "I know he's hiding something", "He's not my type", "He doesn't bank in this much a year", "He's a man, they all cheat, lie, and steal"...You know that type of shit, and up until recently I honestly had no idea why my list of relationships was short, but damaging...I.E, I've only actually "been in love" a total of three times, shocking, I know, but sooo off topic so keep up...I realize now that theres no one to blame but the one and only...You know that bitch that looks back at me when I look in the mirror...Yeah thats right, I'm to blame...Now before you give me that "Oh its not your fault, men aint shit", bullshit, let me say that I'M A GROWN ASS WOMAN...I repeat A GROWN ASS WOMAN, look that shit up and I guarantee you will see my pic next to it like whats up...Back to nikki, yeah like I was saying theres no one to blame but myself, don't get me wrong, not nah(yes nah) one of victims were perfect, not even fucking close if you ask me, but a hellava, no, 100% of an improvement than some of these so-called men festering the Earth...So how does this have anything to do with making love to nikki...Well, my man, The Dream has this song entitled "Nikki"...This song is my past-relationship to the T...And alls I can say now is I've been making love to Nikki...Peace out fam...

AAagghhh...

Currently in the process of moving, be back soon fam...

What A Year...

Well its about that time once again...Time to let go of the old and bring in the new...This is gonna be short and sweet, I'm currently in between outfits and beds, but I digress...Anyways I present to you "The List"...Which is basically a list of several post that we decided were the all time hotties of 2008...Enjoy peeps...

Numero 5: Georgy Porgy...Puddin Pie...This little hot number made the list only because I didn't (or at least don't think so) speak of not one vulgar word...I'm such a fucking lady...

Numero 4: Or Could It Be...Well fam this was a no brainer ...I swear this broad has no gatt damn sense...But this of course you already know...

Numero 3:This Marriage Is In Trouble...I Think We Need Counseling......Ahhh, the infamous ode to my first love Music...Need I say more...

Numero 2: Number Two...First...Nothing to see here folks, move it on along...Jk, this little number is a bit too hot to try, and is only for the daring...To be honest with ya, this particular one wasn't my choice, the freak that is my BFF ranked it high so I'll give it second place...

Drumroll please...And now I present to you our all time favorite post(s) of 2008...Wow this was indeed a tough decision but we were able to narrow it down to just two...So, yes we have a tie...the first one being of course my favorite post Go On Boy...And of course the BFF chooses Number One...First...

Dear 2008, I'm so sad to see you go, I mean we've spent 366 (leap year bitches) days together and I must admit that I've grown quite fond of you and your surprises...Yeah its been an eventful time, but I must move on...I know that this is the end, and I've made peace with that, but can you do me a favor and inform 2009 that he belongs to me...I've already claimed my better being in this new year, and nothing shall stand in my way...Just so there aren't any surprises...Deuces fam, and sincerely from the bottom of my heart I wish you nothing but goodwill, prosperity, love, and all that good shit in the year to come...May it be just as wonderful if not better than mine...

Humph...

I LIVE BY THIS SHIT!!!...Nuff Said



Did I eva tell ya how much I love that bitch that goes by the name of Keyshia Cole...She's ghetto as fuck, but can sing her ass off...Anyways dis here track by the name of "Thought You Should Know", off her new hot ass album "A Different Me" is fiya...Enjoy...





And with all randomness I present "Go On Boy"...I don't know fam, but for some reason this is quickly becoming one of my favorite posts...Also I've decided to end this year with "The List"...Basically a compilation of my fav posts of the year...I'm lazy, this I know...

Don't Ask Why

High Times...

I'm currently higher than a giraffe's ass right now, so I will admit that this post will absolutely be a total random one...whatever comes to mind is what you get...Firstly, I was asked a few days ago "Do you feel small standing next to oceans"...I will admit, I basically blew it off cause the shit didn't make sense at the time, but after giving it much thought, I would have to say no, I don't...maybe its cause I'm too fucking conceited...

I can't think of any "Leo's" in my family...Gonna do some investigating...Live for the moment, don't hold onto stuff...Fuck pink, where's the purple...Ultimate orgasm, I mean really is there such a thing...And if so, I truly wouldn't want to experience it...Having a regular O for me is already unsafe enough as it is due to me wailing my arms around frantically with the thunder thighs shaking so much a bitch can get a reading off the richter scale...No gracias on that ultimate orgasm stuff...

Odd(numbers), like why is it odd?...its a typical number...but I guess because the whole couple factor isn't there that makes it odd...Joining the mile-high club was so worth me pulling a damn muscle...You only live once...Believe it or not, I would mos def take my wants over my needs...Call it immaturity or whatever, but being "satisfied" is sooo fucking appeasing...I mean we all have needs, but actually getting what you want has a bit more power over your person...I know personally I feel as though I've achieved something anytime my wants are fulfilled...Like the definite (at the moment) satisfaction...

I've had a few and I mean few booty calls/one night stands...Fuck, and goodluck...I'm such a heartbreaker...Got to get my truck registration...My first love, a boy by the name of Kirby who had a big dick...We were in the first grade, I know, I know, I became a whore before I learned Algebra...Don't judge me,lmao...Whisper in my ear and I am done, a total turn on...I love taking pictures cause these bitches wanna be me...I love calling YOU daddy...Seriously why are there all these unnecessary letters in the word "queued"...All you need is the Q and the D...I mean really, whoever came up with that word must have been trying to compensate for something...Just a Q and a D, don't forget the apostrophe, jackasses...

LMAO...

Yeah this is some funny shyt...Kinda reminds me of how my drunk ass stumbled to bed "the morning after"...Classic...

Oldie But Goodie

Since I feel like being a bum today, lets just post some ignance.



O-Mothafucking-Le'. But not every one stans for our mischeif :(



But then again, no one on the corner has swagga like us.



*Shudders* Yep, so lets play a little game of "Wheres The Bitches", kinda like Wheres Waldo, but more sexier. Your job is to locate the two infamous bitches of this blog in the first gif. Don't worry, I will leave a clue, we both were dancing, good luck peoples.

Wait...Wait...Wait...

You mean to tell me we have done a hundred of these mofos all ready...Oh no man this is a joke...No way possible we are at a hundred and haven't got not nah, not one e-mail, fax, stamped letter saying that we should shut down house or the feds goin do an invasion...LMAO, yo fam, today is the day like David Spade, and tonight is the night like Betty Wright...Never thought that we would see the day, but your oh so fabulous bitches that despise snitches are proud to say we made it to 100 mothafucking posts(though I did most of the work, that other heffa came in at the end, and expecting some cut)...To be honest I really don't know why we are suppose to be celebrating this, but apparently to Blogger and Bloggers this is a big deal...I honestly don't give a fuck, but we goin go ahead and keep the peace...Now, if you don't know how the misses and the gang celebrates or maybe even just forgot, let me school ya a lil bit...There will be lots of drankin...and I do mean lots, I have the tolerance of a bull...Lots of smoking, no need to elaborate, and whatever the hell else comes to mind(mainly just watch youtube videos and laugh our asses off)...In honor of such a joyous event, why not play a clip from one of my fav D.V.D's...Oh and no victory will be complete without thanking the people behind the scenes of this awful movie of a blog we got going...So yes Fam, thanks a million, for without your, what are we up to averaging like four views a day, this blog would be lamer than The Pussycat Dolls...HOLLA!!!

Breaking Mothafuckin News

*trying to compose myself, cause its not funny, but then again just imagining what Really happened in the Wal-Mart(is the devil) parking lot with the misses and the little lady that just about totaled her big boy Caddy, is getting the best of me. So I receive a call about lets say about three hours ago of who I thought was the misses, and was, but the pissed off version. Man, when I tell you this is not one chick you want to piss off, believe that shit. You know how those Louisianans are with that voodoo and shit, I don't fucks with em, lol. So, I pick up the phone and all I hear is her yelling "the bitch fucking hit it, the bitch fucking hit it", over and over again. I was like who the fuck are you talking about and who hit what. Still, "the bitch fucking hit it, the bitch fucking hit it". By this time I was ready to hang up thinking that she was having a bad trip off the weed or something until she came out with the slurred version of what really happened. "The bitch fucking hit my truck, I'm in so much pain right now", and immediately fear just shot through my spine. I was thinking, because of the way she was talking, that she was hurt or possibly severely injured, but umm no. Thing is, from what I was told she was shopping in Wal-Mart only to come out to half of her truck just smashed. I honestly don't know how this is possible, I mean its not like she drives one of those Barbie doll cars, so whoever it was must have had like one of those ol school military hummers that can drive through buildings and shit. I've got the feeling she's gonna do something crazy tonight in retaliation, and I of course will be the one bailing her punk ass out. Lets rewind back to the good ol days(about a week ago) when life was good and the misses watched "I Love The Fishes" for the first time, enjoy.

The Morning After...

Halloween of course...What y'all thought I forgot about that shit...Hells no, lets just say a bitch was looking rather rough...I mean ROUGH...I really don't too much remember that night, but heres a quote(text) from the BFF as to what exactly she saw...

*Insert at least 15 prior texts*

"Wow thats classic...Sort of like for Halloween your fat ass got so messed up...Fucking woke up in the closet with makeup smeared, hair everyone, one heel on, fucking fishnets stuck to hangers and shit...Bitch yo ass was looking like the joker off batman and shit...Fucking Jose and Spliff fucked yo ass royally...Shit I can't talk though...I burned my damn hand on them bricks from the fireplace, didn't feel that shit til the next day...Apparently a bitch got thirsty and decided to sit on the counter...Fucking woke up with a glass of OJ in one hand and a leg on the sink...Good mothafucking times bitch...Thats why you're in my will."


Random: I'm Such A Fatty