Go On Boy....

I first saw love almost three years ago. He smiled, took my ID to verify my status, though I made nothing of it. At the time I was going through yet another break-up, and smiles and kind words were not the shit that I was trying to hear/see at the time. The tour went on, but by the end we had exchanged numbers. Days passed...finally....a call, just to hear that sexy voice and I was good. "Would you like to go out tonight?" A little hesitant, because I knew he would be deemed as the "rebound," "Yes I would"

First date I was on the biggest high, maybe from your swagger, sense of humor, respect of my femininity... all the less I wanted to be your girl. We laughed, ate a delicious meal, saw this movie, you know the usual...

Second date the wanting for you became harder to hide into our round two of the first date, but still no goodnight kiss.

A pause in our mission, I had to leave for work and wouldn't be able to see you for a couple of days. Sucks, I knew this, but thanks to you and T-Mobile my bill had me seeing large quantities of digits, but it was all cool baby cause I loved hearing your baritone.

...Time flies, we were now officially a couple... dates were a thing of the past. Now we were just "going out" but still the intimacy that we both needed and wanted was not present. Yet you kept your cool, never pressuring me into doing something that I may have denied that I wasn't ready for, but my body could no longer contain...

...The First....The first time we became one, the first time I shared something with you that is only shared with the selected. The first time I let you in the innermost aspects of this misses... Was and still to this day one of the greatest moments in my life. I never thought that such happiness could be achieved by the combining of two, but since.... I've never...

The weather was sunny yet gloomy this day, though I was full of sunshine cause I was marrying the man of my dreams. Took them vows and nobody could tell me nothing. I was in love baby and you were the reason. Did I think about the what if's and the maybe's, yes I did but none of that shit mattered to me, cause you had me and I had you...

Smooth sailing hon, sure we had our problems, but what marriage didn't... Is what I kept telling myself to get through the fact that this was not the life that I wanted. Don't get me wrong you were/are still an awesome man... It was ALL me, my fuckedupness, my constant need to be supreme, my ever dying hunger for the things I can't have, me always wanting a change and etc... Yet you remained the same, and to that baby I say don't change.

You know its funny... I never thought that we would be HERE. I mean how could you say that you really love someone, but when it's all said and done hate each other like the fucking plague. Why baby? I never meant for things to be this way, I wish we could just BE FRIENDS, but this isn't possible considering that my truth is why you hate me so much now... But it is what it is love... Go On Boy!!! Though we ended on such bad terms, there is/will always be a LITTLE part of me that still loves you. Souvenirs is what I call them...

To My Ex-Husband...Maybe just a little of what you didn't know ex-lover... Eat up, Enjoy!!!