Number One...First...

This is some bullshit...Were the first words out of my mouth when I realized that LIFE is no joke...I left my parents house at 18...Happy go lucky...Free spirited...Naive..."Hey this just might not be as bad as I thought"...See, told you I was naive...I only had fifty dollars to my name, and a pack of gum...But I was free...No more waking up at O'Dark Thirty to make coffee for the parents...No more cleaning my room...No more hiding my freakiness...No more, no more, no more...I remember that day like it was yesterday...Mother was standing in the door with a snarky grin on her face..."Just know that if you ever need us were here for you"...Is what she said, but when it comes to the moms...I'm pretty much a mind reader..."She's scared, but we raised her well. My baby will be alright"...Yeah, a mind reader...Driving, just driving...Hoping to come up with a plan that I should have had before I even stepped foot out of that house...Just driving on top of more driving...Soon the tears began to flow...Reality hit me like a bag of conscience bricks..."What am I doing. Where am I going to go. I have no place to stay. Barely enough money for food. Lord what have I done."...All the while I'm thinking back to the look on my mothers face...It was my only motivation...Still is...Yeah, all the motivation that I needed to face this cruel world...That, and all the teachings...The first couple of years were pretty tough...I struggled, but was used to it considering that the majority of my years were filled with tears, and prayers...The majority of which came from my parents...Like I said before, they did the best that they could for us, but when I say we had it rough, its only a cover up for my actual growing up...I made bad choices...Had to face up to it...Even worked three jobs at once...Just to satisfy the bad habits that I had/have...The constant need to "fit in", so buying of unnecessary shit became my addiction...You know the shit that a naive bitch needs to feel important...Hundred dollar shoes, clothes, jewelry, purses...I admit, the bills, the threats from the bill collectors, didn't phase me...I was/still is fucking fierce...So they could just toss the threats along with their asses out the window...I didn't care...I was finally living...

*Remembers the look on my Mothers face that long, long day ago*

What was it that actually made me get my shit together...My FUTURE...Not only am I conceited, but also very stubborn...No way in hell I was going to show back up to the parents house with bags in tow...No ma'am, no sir...I refuse...I couldn't stand the embarrassment, the "I told you so's" from nosy mothafuckas, the "She ain't never goin be shit" from the same nosy ones...No, No, No...So I began to make a life change...No more bad choices...No more hanging with the crowd who will only bring me down, instead of the betterment of my person...No more partying instead of paying bills...and etc...It wasn't easy going from sinner to saint(for lack of any better analogy I decided to use that one, bite me)...Lots of tears were shed...There were even days that I just wanted to give it all up...Motivation, Motivation, Motivation, that, alot of cursing, chain-smoking, and liquor...I made it through...Though not perfect...I must admit that this ol broad is doing pretty good for herself...Considering my life journey began with a 50 and a pack of gum...Who's Bad!!! :SCENE: