What A Year...

Well its about that time once again...Time to let go of the old and bring in the new...This is gonna be short and sweet, I'm currently in between outfits and beds, but I digress...Anyways I present to you "The List"...Which is basically a list of several post that we decided were the all time hotties of 2008...Enjoy peeps...

Numero 5: Georgy Porgy...Puddin Pie...This little hot number made the list only because I didn't (or at least don't think so) speak of not one vulgar word...I'm such a fucking lady...

Numero 4: Or Could It Be...Well fam this was a no brainer ...I swear this broad has no gatt damn sense...But this of course you already know...

Numero 3:This Marriage Is In Trouble...I Think We Need Counseling......Ahhh, the infamous ode to my first love Music...Need I say more...

Numero 2: Number Two...First...Nothing to see here folks, move it on along...Jk, this little number is a bit too hot to try, and is only for the daring...To be honest with ya, this particular one wasn't my choice, the freak that is my BFF ranked it high so I'll give it second place...

Drumroll please...And now I present to you our all time favorite post(s) of 2008...Wow this was indeed a tough decision but we were able to narrow it down to just two...So, yes we have a tie...the first one being of course my favorite post Go On Boy...And of course the BFF chooses Number One...First...

Dear 2008, I'm so sad to see you go, I mean we've spent 366 (leap year bitches) days together and I must admit that I've grown quite fond of you and your surprises...Yeah its been an eventful time, but I must move on...I know that this is the end, and I've made peace with that, but can you do me a favor and inform 2009 that he belongs to me...I've already claimed my better being in this new year, and nothing shall stand in my way...Just so there aren't any surprises...Deuces fam, and sincerely from the bottom of my heart I wish you nothing but goodwill, prosperity, love, and all that good shit in the year to come...May it be just as wonderful if not better than mine...

Humph...

I LIVE BY THIS SHIT!!!...Nuff Said



Did I eva tell ya how much I love that bitch that goes by the name of Keyshia Cole...She's ghetto as fuck, but can sing her ass off...Anyways dis here track by the name of "Thought You Should Know", off her new hot ass album "A Different Me" is fiya...Enjoy...





And with all randomness I present "Go On Boy"...I don't know fam, but for some reason this is quickly becoming one of my favorite posts...Also I've decided to end this year with "The List"...Basically a compilation of my fav posts of the year...I'm lazy, this I know...

Don't Ask Why

High Times...

I'm currently higher than a giraffe's ass right now, so I will admit that this post will absolutely be a total random one...whatever comes to mind is what you get...Firstly, I was asked a few days ago "Do you feel small standing next to oceans"...I will admit, I basically blew it off cause the shit didn't make sense at the time, but after giving it much thought, I would have to say no, I don't...maybe its cause I'm too fucking conceited...

I can't think of any "Leo's" in my family...Gonna do some investigating...Live for the moment, don't hold onto stuff...Fuck pink, where's the purple...Ultimate orgasm, I mean really is there such a thing...And if so, I truly wouldn't want to experience it...Having a regular O for me is already unsafe enough as it is due to me wailing my arms around frantically with the thunder thighs shaking so much a bitch can get a reading off the richter scale...No gracias on that ultimate orgasm stuff...

Odd(numbers), like why is it odd?...its a typical number...but I guess because the whole couple factor isn't there that makes it odd...Joining the mile-high club was so worth me pulling a damn muscle...You only live once...Believe it or not, I would mos def take my wants over my needs...Call it immaturity or whatever, but being "satisfied" is sooo fucking appeasing...I mean we all have needs, but actually getting what you want has a bit more power over your person...I know personally I feel as though I've achieved something anytime my wants are fulfilled...Like the definite (at the moment) satisfaction...

I've had a few and I mean few booty calls/one night stands...Fuck, and goodluck...I'm such a heartbreaker...Got to get my truck registration...My first love, a boy by the name of Kirby who had a big dick...We were in the first grade, I know, I know, I became a whore before I learned Algebra...Don't judge me,lmao...Whisper in my ear and I am done, a total turn on...I love taking pictures cause these bitches wanna be me...I love calling YOU daddy...Seriously why are there all these unnecessary letters in the word "queued"...All you need is the Q and the D...I mean really, whoever came up with that word must have been trying to compensate for something...Just a Q and a D, don't forget the apostrophe, jackasses...

LMAO...

Yeah this is some funny shyt...Kinda reminds me of how my drunk ass stumbled to bed "the morning after"...Classic...

Oldie But Goodie

Since I feel like being a bum today, lets just post some ignance.



O-Mothafucking-Le'. But not every one stans for our mischeif :(



But then again, no one on the corner has swagga like us.



*Shudders* Yep, so lets play a little game of "Wheres The Bitches", kinda like Wheres Waldo, but more sexier. Your job is to locate the two infamous bitches of this blog in the first gif. Don't worry, I will leave a clue, we both were dancing, good luck peoples.

Wait...Wait...Wait...

You mean to tell me we have done a hundred of these mofos all ready...Oh no man this is a joke...No way possible we are at a hundred and haven't got not nah, not one e-mail, fax, stamped letter saying that we should shut down house or the feds goin do an invasion...LMAO, yo fam, today is the day like David Spade, and tonight is the night like Betty Wright...Never thought that we would see the day, but your oh so fabulous bitches that despise snitches are proud to say we made it to 100 mothafucking posts(though I did most of the work, that other heffa came in at the end, and expecting some cut)...To be honest I really don't know why we are suppose to be celebrating this, but apparently to Blogger and Bloggers this is a big deal...I honestly don't give a fuck, but we goin go ahead and keep the peace...Now, if you don't know how the misses and the gang celebrates or maybe even just forgot, let me school ya a lil bit...There will be lots of drankin...and I do mean lots, I have the tolerance of a bull...Lots of smoking, no need to elaborate, and whatever the hell else comes to mind(mainly just watch youtube videos and laugh our asses off)...In honor of such a joyous event, why not play a clip from one of my fav D.V.D's...Oh and no victory will be complete without thanking the people behind the scenes of this awful movie of a blog we got going...So yes Fam, thanks a million, for without your, what are we up to averaging like four views a day, this blog would be lamer than The Pussycat Dolls...HOLLA!!!

Breaking Mothafuckin News

*trying to compose myself, cause its not funny, but then again just imagining what Really happened in the Wal-Mart(is the devil) parking lot with the misses and the little lady that just about totaled her big boy Caddy, is getting the best of me. So I receive a call about lets say about three hours ago of who I thought was the misses, and was, but the pissed off version. Man, when I tell you this is not one chick you want to piss off, believe that shit. You know how those Louisianans are with that voodoo and shit, I don't fucks with em, lol. So, I pick up the phone and all I hear is her yelling "the bitch fucking hit it, the bitch fucking hit it", over and over again. I was like who the fuck are you talking about and who hit what. Still, "the bitch fucking hit it, the bitch fucking hit it". By this time I was ready to hang up thinking that she was having a bad trip off the weed or something until she came out with the slurred version of what really happened. "The bitch fucking hit my truck, I'm in so much pain right now", and immediately fear just shot through my spine. I was thinking, because of the way she was talking, that she was hurt or possibly severely injured, but umm no. Thing is, from what I was told she was shopping in Wal-Mart only to come out to half of her truck just smashed. I honestly don't know how this is possible, I mean its not like she drives one of those Barbie doll cars, so whoever it was must have had like one of those ol school military hummers that can drive through buildings and shit. I've got the feeling she's gonna do something crazy tonight in retaliation, and I of course will be the one bailing her punk ass out. Lets rewind back to the good ol days(about a week ago) when life was good and the misses watched "I Love The Fishes" for the first time, enjoy.

The Morning After...

Halloween of course...What y'all thought I forgot about that shit...Hells no, lets just say a bitch was looking rather rough...I mean ROUGH...I really don't too much remember that night, but heres a quote(text) from the BFF as to what exactly she saw...

*Insert at least 15 prior texts*

"Wow thats classic...Sort of like for Halloween your fat ass got so messed up...Fucking woke up in the closet with makeup smeared, hair everyone, one heel on, fucking fishnets stuck to hangers and shit...Bitch yo ass was looking like the joker off batman and shit...Fucking Jose and Spliff fucked yo ass royally...Shit I can't talk though...I burned my damn hand on them bricks from the fireplace, didn't feel that shit til the next day...Apparently a bitch got thirsty and decided to sit on the counter...Fucking woke up with a glass of OJ in one hand and a leg on the sink...Good mothafucking times bitch...Thats why you're in my will."


Random: I'm Such A Fatty

Keep On

"I Got The Shit To Make Your Ass Write A Bad Check"...OMG this is a classic...Fucking Mc Lyte at her best...Enjoy

Somebody Told Me...

"Misses, just live your life...This world is too fucked up as it is, don't relish on the good ol days...Tomorrow ain't promised bitch. To say fuck you/it/them/him/her and actually mean that shit is not only a sentence enhancer but a natural stress reliever and on occasion an afrodisiac...Do you bitch, and mothafuck the haters"

Take a wild guess as to who spoke this to me...All I ask of you is to just live your life...

Marriage Sucks

Everyone knows (or at least I think so) how I feel about commitment, let alone marriage, and no its not a matter of immaturity, addiction, or any other classification of my choices that in all honesty can't be classified. I'm just ME, and can't possibly fathom being with one person until, well until. With nothing but respect for those who make that decision, its just not my thing. So, of course I'm gonna find humor in wedding mishaps. Its kinda my past time, jk, but I live for a good accident, mishap, or anything that involves mofos busting their asses, getting bitch slapped, antiqued, ruining coffee tables, and such. Long story short, the misses emailed a video of a wedding ceremony gone wrong, naturally I laughed cause, well I won't spoil it. In-te-hoo, after viewing the hilariousness, I decided to view some of the commentary as well, and I must say that "White America", and feel free to kiss my ass for the generalization, has no gatt damn sense of humor. True, its a very special moment of your life and should be perfect, blah, blah, blah, but come on, lighten up. I know personally, if something like this were to happen at a Hispanic, or even Black wedding not one soul in that mofo would have silenced the laughter, cause well, thats what we do, laugh at funny shit. Oh and don't take my word for it, here is some of the commentary.

mitchberry24 (1 day ago)

how did they deserve it! The guy was a priest! And the girl was the bride!
(Come on man, God has a sense of humor, hence the mishap)

zabciazln (4 days ago)

Man I would kill that dude if that would be me
(Wow, is it that serious? Now I would mos def cause bodily harm to a skank over some lemonade jelly beans, but not neva over, well just watch the video)

lanrem (5 days ago)

The groom is not worth his salt...He should have jumped in after her in a heartbeat!
So much for, "I love you with all my soul"

(*With a puzzled look on my face* Ummm, no comment)

Yep, truly corny mofos. Forgive me white people for I have *proceeds to count on one hand*(oh the irony) some white friends, I think. Maybe its just me, but "White America" tickles the shit out of me. Do these mofo's really think that having Stretch-Armstrong and a MILF(Yes, indeed I would) as the next president is a master plan. Uggg, the stupidity and wrong post, lets get back to it shall we. Point of this rant, what "others" may find funny, I'm sure Lucy or Becky won't. In their minds, once again bite me for the generalization, the thought of Kyle or Steve busting their asses is no funny matter. And to that I say with a look of seriousness, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

The video in question, now tell me this isn't some funny shit.


LMAO, I don't see why she was so upset. If it was me, I would have forced the misses to throw some instant jello into that bitch, and made it a night to remember. Speaking of which,


And I'm out this bitch!!!!!!

I Got 5 On It

Yo, peoples, I know this is a bit late, but better than never I always say. In-te-hoo, this will be short, there will only be post from myself the upcoming week. The misses has mid-terms or some shit like that, so get ready. Why don't we kick this off with a bang, I shall be doing a little of this myself tonight, enjoy.

WTF

So, right now I have a headache from hell...Maybe its from crashing from the damn sugar rush I get because of the munchies...I need a new hobby...Anyhoo, this is one of my fav videos to watch post-smoketivity...Still to this day, its hilarious...

Addiction...

"You smell like likka and failure"...LMAO @ the inside joke...Anyhoo fam, My Sistah Of Fuggery threatened to disown me if I didn't get back on my grind with this blogging thing...So to keep a happy home, I'm gonna do my best to at least put something out there more than once a week...Now what does the misses know about more than dack, likka, and ganja...Music...And what is the misses feeling right now via music...Ryan Leslie's "Addiction"...Here it is fam, enjoy *dodging bullets from SOF*

Wierd...

So fam I totally forgot that I would be doing the posting for the next couple of weeks...For everyones favorite hoochie is/will be in Seattle for the next couple of weeks doing whatever the hell she does to make money...Prostituting if you ask me, but who am I to judge anyone...

Random Events And Occurrences Of The Week:

Yesterday I didn't have any classes until the evening...So the whores that I call friends came over to supposedly aid in my studying...Little of this studying that I speak of happened...The hilarity that was pretty much my afternoon began when Sierra called to rant about traffic and the prices of drinks in the rainy city...Me being the genius that I am decided to put her on speaker phone...I should probably state that the majority of the time that we are "all" together is filled with arguments and threats...Its kind of a love/hate relationship between us...Anyhoo let the fuckery begin...This shit went on for about an hour, long story short, everyone called cease fire when "Chris" threatened to go to war on Sierra's baby the Benz G500 using coontactics and armor-all...I haven't laughed so hard in weeks...I could just imagine the look on her face when she said that...Y'all just don't know how obsessed she is with that damn truck...Anyways being the hispanic/black mix that she is politely began to cuss that ass out in a mixture of spanglish/gibberish...She says the shit so fast no one can understand a word she's saying...Yeah good mothafuckin times...

Speaking of school, things are pretty much going in my favor right now...Biology is a bitch, but I straight up raped my last few tests...The shit was quite trying, but I aced it no doubt...

The mans is still fat & sexy...But he straight up got the time game fucked up...A few nights ago we stayed up til like 4 in the morning smoking and dranking...And of course eating random shit like chili and guacamole...Hey don't knock it until you try it...Anyhoo, went to bed at 4...I forgot to set the alarm clock, for my ass had to be in class at 8:35 the next day...Lets see I was awakened at 8 with a hard dick in my ass, with a smile on its owners face...I was like baby I'm going to be late as it is and you want to add on to it...And we had all night to fuck, you want to wait until ten minutes until I have to be in class to bone...Nah son, you got the game fucked up...This of course fell on dry ears...I, of course missed the first class of the day, but made him make it up to me by taking me out to lunch...I need a new hobby...

Thats it fam, I'm going to leave you with a little "Soul Shadows"...I've been feeling Bill like a mofo lately, and this is my jam...I'LL HOLLA...

Flashing Lights...

So the misses has been cheating her ass off lately. I was SUPPOSE to do my comeback last night but instead was lured to that deadly sexy condo of hers with the promise of "la" and of course a bountiful pantry of moonpies and shyt. Thats exactly what happened "little poison for the system", some good shit. If ever given the chance everyone should get blazed with this chick, its hilarious. I remember us laying on the couch watching the Kanye West "Flashing Lights" video and looking in amazement like is this the REAL video. For some strange reason, the video seemed like it was 6 hours, the misses had a question for every damn thing that happened, and I've never ate so much garbage a day in my life. I woke up looking around like why are these fritos stuck to my tiddies...In-Te-Hoo, I think I'm still a bit blazed, I told y'all that was some good shit. Here it is close to 1 and I still feel the need analyze everydamnthing. She's cheating I tell you, so when I come to my senses, this broad is going down. Toodles.

Updated Version:
In my opinion there are two types of "freaks". Number one being a good fuck, no a decent fuck. Just the shit to get your rocks off, but no wedding is in tow, comprende', keep up. Next we have the fuck(freak) that is a bit elevated from the typical. This is the type of freak who is so sure of themselves and trust me it shows. This type of freak can take dick til the cows come home, and the pussy will still be in tact. If ever given the chance to experience this type of freak, one may become infatuated, and all that good shit, and settle if you will. Now me being the freak of freaks know that there is really no need to brag, for the proof is in the pudding. Now I must say that the misses did make a valid point about single sex, and tied sex. Its true that single sex is way more kinkier if you will than any sex that you may have with some random. Lets just call it emotional sex, at least we agree on something. Back to it, Bitchy and demands nothing but the best, yeah you can say that. I will school your punk ass if need be, "deeper and harder, come on its okay to fuck me", that type of shit. So lets get this list started now that I have stated the facts.

Why do we have to go to Jamaica everydamnyear? *question of the girlfriends* Not really wanting to tell them the truth about why women REALLY love Jamaica, and I personally cause of the Jamaican black snake. You can't really consider yourself in a three-some until you've had two of these hung-drung mofo's. Oh the memories, last year my little private show took place on the beach. Two chocolaty bros, endless drinks, and hours of fucking. I must say I was looking for their kids most of the time, cause I just couldn't get enough of the way that the juices tasted. Yeah good times, matter of fact I think its time for our annual vacation.

So I have this box full of sexual goodies. I.E. dildos, cock rings, anal beads, lube, clit massagers, knock off viagra(just to keep the party going), and much more. Safety word, prison, it takes alot for me to give in and say prison, but this last chick in which I envy had me saying it within the first 15. Not never did I think I would be in a situation of the sort with any chick, I used to always think to myself whats the point, I couldn't possibly get any kind of satisfaction from this. Lets just say that college life changed my whole perspective.

You know if you really looked hard enough, and actually knew what to look for, ya might be able to find videos of my skills. I know the misses is goin be pissed about that, I loves her and all but this is a competition. Call it a low-blow if ya want, but I shall not lose. Toodles

They Say...

What do you want to be when you grow up Misses...*Answering the question at hand*...A mothafucking porn star, Jazmine Cashmere style...That bytch is my hero, OLE'...So since my competitor didn't post any rules or anything like that...I'm just gonna do this list style...And once I see what kind of competition that I have, take it from there...Yes, its true I've been "dick-whipped" for a while now so I haven't been as naughty as I was when single...Key word single, cause I did/do some unforgivable shyt when there are no ties...Anyhoo, shall we begin, I'm only gonna give a teaser...

*puts on Trina's baddest bitch single to set the mood*
(Le Tenderoni Days of Misses I.E., from age 16 to age 19)

You know I've done the usual, parks, cars, city zoo, public transportation, how many people can say The Governor Mansion...Why, I can...Bet you're wondering where the fuck was security...I kept them(yes them, my only threesome) busy...Everyone had a mouthful, so the screams and moans couldn't be heard...

I've always had this thing for men in uniform...Most women do, but mine was a little extreme...I would go on these little "runs" with this cop that I used to chill with...I want to say thanks to the one special officer in which I mastered wide-necking on...Who says I have no valuable skills, HA

Had a girlfriend once, no need to elaborate, and besides this is my secret weapon in case the BFF feels the need to get in a couple of low blows...HOLLA!!!

Battle Of Le Freaks...

To be honest I don't even know why I'm entertaining this but umm your eyes are not playing tricks on you. The misses and I decided that this week we are going to play a little game of who's the freakiest of the freaks. So instead of the usual, there will be nothing but random posts of naughty adventures from each of us. I don't even know why she believes in that ice pile of a heart that she has that she's mastered pleasure such as I, but hey we can all dream. I mean the fat boy has had that ass dick-whipped for a long ass time now, she's young as fuck, we all know that with age comes wisdom, and that is not just a figure of speech, and blah blah blah. Who's the master of their domain(of course its gonna be me, I fucks with the best of them), you be the judge. I'm outty.

Hotter Than A Wet Cooch...

Yo, whats up fam...Its truly, truly been a hot minute since, well since...I see that the BF has been boring the shyt out of ya with that lame sense of humor(laughing at my recent bout with that bytch of a virus)...OMG I have not nevah in my 20 plus years felt such pain...It was no fun at all...But now that I'm back, lets have a mothafucking party...

They say Misses what have you been doing...and to that I say a little of this...

Well lots of this...But hey when the DOCS force you to go to rehab for a week because of some stupid ass virus, you'll fall off the wagon pretty damn hard as well...And when I say fall, I mean run, jump, do some damn cartwheels off that bitch...To hell with being sober...Hell I can't even remember the last time I was sober, alls I know is that I didn't like it one damn bit...Straight B.S...Been getting a lot of time in at the ballpark as well...Bet y'all didn't know that I was into sports, trying to imagine my boojie ass out in the heat hitting some balls...Oh yes, I would walk to the ends of the earth for some balls...Balls, balls, and more balls, keep up...I've had some sex lately that I'm seriously ashamed of...Just nasty, crazy, insane fucking...Shit got so bad last night, afterwards I just yelled "I Fucking Hate You", got my keys, fuck clothes I didn't need em, and drove around town thinking of ways to hack this mofo without ending up in jail...Y'all laugh but I'm as serious as a heart-attack...I've been getting fucked so good, I straight up hate his ass right now...Did a little changing of the decor, nothing drastic...We now have a black accent wall in the master bedroom...It's starting to grow on me, though I was partial to the first...That's about all that has been going on with moi...It's been real lovely as usual fam...I've got a dinner date with Pee-On-My-Face Sierra, and the rest of the gang, so say a prayer for me...Nothing good ever comes out of these little dates, someone either wakes up in their office with honey and paper-clips stuck to their tiddies(bet ya can't guess who), or in my case cooks pancakes and shit in the nude...Will it ever end...

Love Bites...

So, I got the exclusive on what the misses has in store for us this week, and alls I can say is Love Bites, enjoy.

Or Could It Be Pt. 2

Well, well, well looky here. I'm doing the weekly jumpoff. Never thought I would see the day, but I have my reasons, The Misses has food poisoning(secretly LMAO). Yes, and has it bad, severe BG's, so I promised I would kick the week off with a bang.

So, as I stated in my last post, I work with some serious needing Jesus people. This past Friday, I decided that going to work this day wasn't going to happen, for I had shit to do, like get drunk with the homies too damn early in the morn. In-te-hoo, these are some mofos that are just too smart, but oh so dumb at the same time. Y'all know exactly what I'm talking about, confusing, well I don't know what to tell ya. So I called in, and when I say I call in, its usually something that I've just made up i.e. A Black Panther Meeting in Denver, I got evicted, or my all time fav, cause I'm a genius, I have Tendennocolomia. Yep, thats what was stated to the dumbasses on Friday. True, as usual they felt sorry for me and blah blah blah. See, being on salary w. commission has it benefits, I may have lost a couple hundred that day, but it was worth it. Didn't go to work, and not only did I play hookie, but talked the other members of the bytch brigade into doing so as well, long story short neither one of us survived to noon.

The daunting task of the topic of the week, well I'm not doing it thats for damn sure, and that broad needs to show her face/ass. So yes, it will be done by the recently AWOL misses. The topic, I'm not sure, prolly goin be about sexin or drankin, cause we all know thats pretty much her life story. Like I said, she is currently going through/getting over food poisoning and this is one chick that you pray to God never gets sick. She is so overly-dramatic/spoiled, who's to blame, that fat BF of hers, imma just let him deal with it, and chill in the cut. And as always, if you haven't slapped the shit out of someone lately, feel free to do so. It has its benefits.

Or Could It Be...

Disclaimer: Fuck You AIG*****End of disclaimer

Have you been drinking? *blank stare, and completely thinking to myself that this is the most illiterate heffa I've unfortunately spoken to* No umm, my speech is slurred, and my walk is a little wobbly because I recently suffered a STROKE!!! Of course I'm drunk bitch, and yes I'm managing folks money all at the same time. Fucking chatty, talky, Jovan musk wearing ditz. As as you should have figured out by now, yours truly is sashaying the topic of the week *flippin off the misses, knowing good damn well she could have did this shit, like I ain't got nothing else to do, I don't but that ain't the point* And by now you should have also guessed the topic.

Lame ass, unproductive, excuse me while I muster up the corniest shoe salesman joke ever, halitosis mouth full of funk having, suicidal(yes, here at the bank of hell we have them), I wish she/he would just shut the fuck up, CO-WORKERS. Or maybe its just me.

I work with some of the dizziest ass clowns ever. No, I'm not being sarcastic. Lets see, last week my associate(probably the least fucked up person besides myself), well my associates wife decides to confront him about an affair he's having with Skeletor(the blonde head/headgiver of the parking lot, this bitch has no upper lip nor anything to resemble immaculate head game, why these ducks flock to her like chicken grease to a heart is thought provoking to me). Long story short, she's facing domestic abuse charges. The hilarity. Another one in particular, my favorite, and the heffa who's my motivation behind all of this is bout the most annoying no social skills having tramp to ever walk the face of this earth. I swear I would take 15 bad ass kids any day over her. You know it wouldn't be so bad if they would just get the damn lock fixed on my office door like I demanded six fucking months ago. I could just lock myself in a room of peace and visit the far far far away land of no bullshit, but since I can't, I have to deal with professional idiots. Also, being that my office just so happens to be strategically centered right in front of Tooties, I am often blessed with the loud yelping of my name from across the hall, waking me from my eyes open nap for a gatt damn pen, invoice, file, lube. Shit it doesn't matter with Tootsie. I'm fine with that, the bitch needed a pen. What irks my nerve is the constant need to tell me life stories, like I have confessional/google written on my forehead...Theres not a day that passes that I don't wish to have some kind of super powers to rid my being from the disdain of the presence of this hoe. If only, if only. And I know I'm not the only one suffering from this type of entertainment, maybe one day those aliens they keep spotting in CO will just do us all a favor and take their people back with them. I'm tired of dealing with them, and just in case you haven't today, go out and SLAP THE FUCK OUT OF SOMEONE. Trust me, its sooo gratifying.

The Updated Version: Well because I have INSOMNIA like I don't have to go to work in exactly 2 mothafucking hours, why don't we jam out a bit. *singing* "Cook Me Up A Movie Star Breakfast, More My Dear, More My Dear. They've Got To Have Them In Texas, Cause Everyones A Millionaire." The Misses has me hooked on this damn song, and the tantalizing lyrics doesn't help at all as well, Ladies & Gents Supertramp "Breakfast In America".

Bitch Please...

So, I was suppose to be doing the topic of the week or some shit like that, I fucking forgot, bite me. In-Te-Hoo, it was this long drawn boring shit about my profession as a professional BITCH. Not your average every-day, boring, house-wife tramp. I'm talking bout the bitch that has weak coons and fortunately other faces of the world at her every beckoning command. Long story short, I didn't have the time. Ol massa ova there at the Bank :side eyein the fuck out of them hoes: have been holding this BITCH hostage. Mofos everywhere are selling/trading stocks like its no tomorrow, the assholes. If I had one wish it would be to slap the fuck out of ol Bushy, eat cunt you rancid rapist. Somebody please tell me why the fuck gas is higher than pussy. I mean pussy is an arm and a leg, but why do I not feel satisfied once I fill up the Beamer Truck, shit can it at least come with some head. Speaking of head, this may be the land of losers, but the mens, oh the mens can give some head that will have a hoe calling in, making dinner, praying for children of said head giver, buying drawls for the licker. Some good headery, so its about that time, I slowly feel myself sobering up, and here in THE RED LIGHT DISTRICT, thats a full no no. If ya haven't slapped the shit out of anyone lately, feel free to do so. Be sure to cuss them out afterwards, just to seal the deal.

Hold The Phone

Gat Dammit...See, I told that broad she had to do the post on Wednesday...And lo and behold it isn't done...Sorry fam, I'm gonna go strangle my BFF, and force her to do the post...She probably won't do it today, cause work is kicking that ass right now, but it will get done, trust...

Pure Hilarity

So the misses has these fucking awesome employees. So awesome that I was in fact able to talk 90% of them into making a secret myspace page for her. Seriously, its 2008, who doesn't have a myspace page. Her country black ass. In-Te-Hoo, so they set up this page with some of the most shameful pics, her status is a swinger, slob on the knob is her theme song, not sure is her orientation. I'm telling y'all this is some of the funniest shit that I've ever seen. Apparently they love the boss very much. Well without any further adieu, the link (since the hyperlink isn't working www.myspace.com/ttrashawn). And whats makes this even funnier is that theres pretty much of nothing that she can do about it, seeing how they set it up with some random e-mail, everyone knows the login info except her, so she just has to chuck it up. LMAO

I'll Keep Holding On...

Yo, whats up fam...Oh me oh my, alls I can say is that I'm making it...School is getting the best of me, but its sooooo worth of it...Not a real lot to say in this post fam but be looking for some changes seeing how me and the bff have teamed up...Goody goody, but yes, there will be a few changes, nothing drastic though...Anyhoo, turn up your speakers and rock out with one of my favorite inspirational songs, Simply Red "Holding Back The Years"...This song has gotten me through so much and is in heavy rotation nowadays...Anyways fam, topic of the week, lets see...Its a surprise(mainly cause I have no idea, but it will be nothing but the best), something different...Oh and show my bff some love, she's new to this whole blogging thang, but I promise you will love her just as much as I...Alright Fam, thanks for blessing me with your presence, I promise to do the same...HOLLA!!!

Like A Moth To A Flame

I should be asleep right now. I seriously think that my ass is still drunk. Hanging out with a human party in a box until she feels the need to began her nightly sexual rituals will do that to you. In-Te-hoo, its Friday, all I can say is fuck the bank. My place of work, by the way. What does my job entail? Okay, ya asked for it. I'm a broker with American Express Financial Advisors here in Totoville(not really the name of the city, I'm just partial to totoville), managing portfolios and doing estate plans for high-net-worth clients. Pretty boring shit huh? Well I must say that the job has its benefits, I've met many fuck and goodlucks out that bitch. Just don't tell anyone. Oh and one more thing before I head back to bed, please for the sake of your sanity, don't expect long drawn out post from my ass. My name is not Misstory, T-Dawg, T Shawn, T Bone, #1Dick Ridah, or whatever the fuck she's going by nowadays. I keep shit short and simple, unless I'm ranting, and in this case I'm not. Point of this post, I'm still fucking drunk.

No Need For An Introduction

For if you read this blog than you will know exactly who I am. Ok, Ok, cause I know the Misses will be on my ass, I will just give an informal intro. The name is, well you don't need to know all of that, and I ain't trying to become a victim of ID theft. In-te-ways, the Misses, founder and creator of this ignant ass blog, my BFF on certain days, and future baby momma a la fat boy, decided that one ignant point of view wasn't enough. So here I am. I just want to go ahead and apologize, for a future with me is guaranteed shipment to hell. Don't worry, I won't taint you just yet, maybe tomorrow we will kick things off right. I've got a meeting with Mr. Belvedere and Mrs. Cranberry, and they say if I'm late, I will have to Screw their son Driver. Let that marinate.

Aaaahhhhh!!!!!

School is kicking my ass...That is all...

Short & Sweet

*Singing*
"I don't ever want to stop loving you boy"
"So don't you ever stop bringing me joy"

I'm a little too tipsy off the Tequila Rose to do the usual right now, so be looking out for it tomorrow fam...So excuse me...*Goes back to singing*

Update: So mofos think that because you have a lot of shyt you won't notice when something is missing...So, I lost of my favorite watches...I'm using lost lightly...Anyhoo, I've searched high and low for it and still no progress...The watch is very special to me...It was a gift from my BFF Sierra...It's black and outlined with black diamonds...and blah, blah, blah...I admit I was pretty wasted the last time that I had it on, but also remember taking that shyt off and placing it on the coffee table in the living room...And now its gone...I'm so depressed right now...Alls I can say is that I hope that I find it, or whoever does will be a lucky mofo...Unless they're ignant and think that Bvlgari is the same as Boss and the black diamonds are Swarovski crystals...The shame...Wish me luck...

Feel The Need...

Yeah thats right fam, its that time of the month once again...What time you ask, bitchy, bitchy, bitchy, ranting time...I haven't done of these in a while and am beginning to feel the need...Anyways lets kick this off with my current situation...

I haven't experienced an orgasm in a damn week...Shocking I know, tell me about it...My BF has really been on some other shit lately...I think he's switched over to the other side...Just kidding...But seriously, basically he's been getting me all hot and bothered and passing the fuck out...Snoring and shit...His schedule is really hectic right now, and this I understand...But why the torture...I'm beginning to think he's doing it on purpose...I mean, I've gotten some lick em up at work, but thats it...No rub it down and smack it, NOTHING!!! Which explains why I've been so bitter lately...

School is starting...Notice the excitement...I have orientation at 8 in the morning until 2 in the afternoon...I am not looking forward to this at all...I would rather watch Flavor Flav do that nasty crab-infested broad he used to bang...

My mother of 21 years decides that fighting over small talk and going to jail is whats hot this summer...Yes, y'all the moms straight up went to jail a few nights ago for fighting...I'm like come on mom, you're 38, why are you fighting...Don't you have a book club meeting or something to go to...To be honest, I'm not shocked at all...She doesn't take shit off of anyone, I'm really just amazed she was able to bail out so soon...The fight occurred just after midnight, and she was out before the sun came up...Pure hilarity I tell you...All I can do is shake my head, and say that the chick must have deserved it...

Work...I swear fo gawd if I hear one more rancher, farmer, goat herder, or whatever the fuck these cowboys do up here complain about our prices...I'm going to slap my puppy...Just kidding, I loves my baby...But back to the rant...I'm gonna do some CSI shit on one of them mothafuckas...Nobody told you to bring yo country azz up in here, so either you sit the fuck down and eat or play past ways...Its that simple...Lame ass, skunk piss smelling mofos...

Thats it fam...I'm gonna go get teased once again...I just keep telling myself that this time will be different...Hopefully, cause I don't think I can go another day without feeling a dack, fanga, toe, something, inside the orifices of my chocolaty goodness...I'LL HOLLA!!!

This Marriage Is In Trouble...I Think We Need Counseling...

What do you mean, we're fine...Do you hear the shit that you have me listening too...Come on, this is too much for me...Whatever happened to the days when you would woo me with insatiable lyrics such as "There be some love making, heartbreaking, soul shaking love"...Or remember the time when I was going through some things and you came to the rescue with "My Life"...Whats up baby...Tell me what I have to do to make things like they used to be...I guess it will never be the same, I mean you told me in your own words "Its never as good as the first time"...But why must it be this way...Why must you who once was a rebel now conform to this garbage lingo, bubble gum nonsense, and expect me to live in this household when I am truly partial to the first...I can't go on this way...Either you change up your ways or I will be forced to leave you...Trust me I already have one foot outside the door...:SCENE:

Don't get me wrong counselor, he/she isn't all bad...Every now and again I fall in love once more...Just yesterday I was listening to the promo album "Fearless", by one of the children Jazmine Sullivan...I thought my heart was going to explode with joy...It satisfied me, but shortly afterwards I fell back into this devastating hatred...Its just an up and down relationship...Am I expecting perfection...Yes,Yes, I am...I know the capabilities..."I Want You"..."Extensions Of A Man"..."Maxwell's Urban Hang Suite"..."Rapture"..."My Name Is Joe"...Were pure perfection...So please excuse me if I have a hard time burying my anger for "Crank Dat"..."Wobble"...and shit such as "Marco Polo"...I have every damn right to be disgruntled, perturbed, perplexed, annoyed...Maybe I should just take "A Long Walk"...Figure this shit out...:SCENE:

What do you mean, why do I have such high expectations for the melody that is slowly diminishing?...Well because I'm stubborn and I believe that deep down below this mockery of itself...Once more I can/ will be pleased...I shall forever hold on to the days of "Building A Mystery"...I shall forever reminisce of "Reminisce"...Even though I try I "Can't Let Go"...I'm spoiled, fucking got it bad do you hear me...This love-affair began when I was too young to understand the love, warmth, pain, joy and self description behind the lyrics...I remember impeccably the first time I heard "This Masquerade"...Daddy was smoking a HOYO de MONTERREY cigar and sippin the wino...Me, myself and I, well I was in a trance...The smoothness, how George Benson made that guitar weep, the classy piano notes...Bought a tear to my eye...I was lost in the masquerade...Or the first time I was blessed to hear "The Secret Garden"...My parents were boning at the time, and I had no business up past my bedtime, but it was just so mesmerizing...Al B. Sure kicked things off with his infamous "Oh" and I knew it was on...James, James, James Ingram told me there was a melody that we could sing together...And that we did...Barry, well there are no words...And I touched myself repeatedly when Eldra said "If you think I'm gonna take care of you...If you think I got what you need...Sho you right"...Oooohhhh, excuse me once again...:SCENE:

Do I think that we can work this out?...Absolutely, but only if the promise is made that one day the melody in which I vowed to spend an eternity with will return...If not, I must say my goodbyes...For I shall not continue down this path only to be disappointed in the end...But then again, its totally worth it...For Music I will make that sacrifice...:SCENE:

Its Buttah Baby...

Hi ya fam...What it is...*Stares around the room like I haven't been lazy as hell the past few weeks*...Well its official, I'm back once again...This time for the long haul, I think...Well I start school in a few weeks...So we will see how this goes over...Anyhoo...I've pretty much done absolutely nothing for like 2 weeks straight...And now all of this must change *Sheds a single tear*...I've got to get back on the grind...I.E. blog stalking, partying, drinking...You know the usual...Anyways fam...Topic of the week(I promise to actually write it myself, not just rape wikipedia for info), I'm kinda stuck between "Labels", Music, and Fashion...I don't know, maybe I will speak on all three(Yeah right)...But as usual, ya know its the only time of the week I actually show that I am, believe it or not, a well educated ol broad...Well thats it fam...I'LL HOLLA!!!

Damn Ashanti...

I don't even fuck with Ashanti like that but since Sierra basically threatened to murder me if I didn't give her new CD The Declaration a listen...I purchased and played the shyt...I ain't gonna even front, it's bangable but there is one song that I'm soooooooooo addicted to...Matter of fact I downloaded the ringtone, and set that shyt as F's ringtone...Gawd this song is the fucking truth...I can relate...

Alcoholism...

I would like to thank the good people over at Wikipedia for this delightful article...And also for the aid in my recent laziness...Yes, Yes, fam, topic of the week is Alcoholism...Ya ready...


Alcoholism is a term with multiple and sometimes conflicting definitions. In common and historic usage, alcoholism refers to any condition that results in the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages despite the health problems and negative social consequences it causes. Medical definitions describe alcoholism as a disease which results in a persistent use of alcohol despite negative consequences. Alcoholism, also referred to as dipsomania[1] in the 19th and early 20th centuries, may also refer to a preoccupation with or compulsion toward the consumption of alcohol and/or an impaired ability to recognize the negative effects of excessive alcohol consumption. Although not all of these definitions specify current and on-going use of alcohol as a qualifier, some do, as well as remarking on the long-term effects of consistent, heavy alcohol use, including dependence and symptoms of withdrawal.

While the ingestion of alcohol is, by definition, necessary to develop alcoholism, the use of alcohol does not predict the development of alcoholism. The quantity, frequency and regularity of alcohol consumption required to develop alcoholism varies greatly from person to person. In addition, although the biological mechanisms underpinning alcoholism are uncertain, some risk factors, including social environment, emotional health and genetic predisposition, have been identified.


ETC...

Humph...The more you know...

Update: I should have stated this shyt before the post...But anyways, I am a certified card-carrying alcoholic...And damn proud of this "beer bellY" I'm getting...But since there is a possibility that there are minors that read this...I decided to post the down-side of partying like its 1969...Listen up youngins , if ya think the misses is fucking fabulous...Then keep believing that shyt for I shall nevah steer ya wrong...But please for the sake of your well being...Don't do the shyt that I do unless ya are protected and all that good shyt...I.E., practice safe sex, don't cuss out the popo's, don't fuck outside unless that shyt is secluded and etc...I'm an alcoholic, but I drank at least a gallon of water a day to counter-balance it...Feel me...Now go out and let loose...

Save A Horse...

Ride A Cowboy...*Blank Stare*...That has got to be the dumbest shit I've ever heard, and I've heard some really dumb shit in my lifetime...Anyways Fam sorry about the anti-socialness, but this bytch has been on some real other shit lately since my return from the "Mother-Land"(Louisiana)...Lets see, I've been sleeping more than a pregnant chick...Matter of fact I took a pregnancy test to verify my status...Negative, Thank God...Drinking(hanging out with my drunk Mother for a week will do that to you, I've never drank so much in my life)non-stop...And more sleeping...But ya wants to know about my trip...Here goes, brace yourself...

Friday, the flight was amazing...Maybe thats cause I was fucking wasted and slept the entire time there...Was greeted at the airport by my ENTIRE family...I shit you not...From the Great-Grands on down to the third cousins...A bunch of black ghetto mofo's in Baton Rouge Metropolitan...





What a riot...I almost had to tell the Grands about herself for pushing up on the mans, but it was all in good fun...Made a quick stop at my favorite aunts home for a delightful meal of fried catfish, potato salad, green beans, and some other shit I can't remember...I was drunk dammit, keep up...Next stop, The Belle Of Baton Rouge...For those who are not familiar with this place...Its one of two casino boats in B.R...Lost $400 at the black-jack table within the first 20 minutes...So just imagine the dent I put in my pocketbook in two hours...But hey the drinks were free and free...Left the boat feeling loose, but oh so tired...Decided to crash in B.R. for the night(My parents moved to Alexandria, LA a while back)...

Saturday, took our fabulous asses home(This would be the first time that I would actually see the new home that my parents bought...The home that I spent most of my time in burned down last Thanksgiving, so I was really stoked about seeing it)Fucking amazing is all I can say...This is truly one family that has made a complete turn-around...I'm gonna stop right here, I feel myself getting all mushy gushy, but every chance that I get, I tell anyone with an ear our success story...The rest of the week was a little blurry, but just know that we had a BLAST...

Anyways fam here are the pics that I promised...



Me & My Aunt...Fabulous Bytches OWWWW!!!




More Sexiness...



My Baby Sis(In The Pink? Ribbon) And My Cousin...



Future A.K.A, And I Don't Know Whose Foot That Is...



Another One Of My Cousins...



On My Way Home...I Was Lit Hence The Drunken Photo Of Me Passed Out On The Couch, Taken By F...



Did Y'all Really Think I Was Gonna Leave Without Posting A Pic Of The Light(s) Of My Life...Papa Mis, And The Baby Sis...

The Rest Of The Pics Are A Little Controversial, Hence No Pic Of The Moms and the other Sisters...Just Know That That Chick(The Moms) Is What I Wanna Be When I Grow Up...Sexy Fabulous And Unstoppable...Well thats it fam, enjoy...Topic of the week, I have no idea...It will just be a surprise to us all...I'll Holla!!!

More To Come...

Hey whats up fam...I know I promised to tell details about my trip...In due time I will, its just that I partied a little too much back home and this is all that I've been doing since I got back...




Kicked off the heels...



And took my black ass to sleep...

Well fam, sometime in the near future, I will be back on my game...Until then I'm gonna finish this coontini, and crawl my ass into bed once again...Oh and the couch that ya see me passed out on most of the time is in fact in our bedroom...Only a good 10 feet away from the bed, which should let you know how badly I'm usually intoxicated...Can't even walk my ass 10 feet to the bed...HOLLA FAM!!!

Fear Of Flying...

There are only two well maybe three things that the misses fear...God(I Luvs Jesus, believe it or not)...My Mother(Okay, my thing is this is the only chick that can hit me and I can do absolutely nothing about it...Any other broad can get it with the quickness)...And flying(Scared to death, do you hear me)...

Two Plane tickets...Delta Airlines(First Class Of Course)...$2154.00

Two weeks supply of Tylenol, Likka, and No-Doze for S.M...Uno Grande'

Everything that is possibly needed for the survival of a very spoiled puppy with her aunt S.M...Along with the current issue of "puppy power"...$375.00

Travel wardrobe...You don't want to know...

Nose piercing(Well I don't have it yet, but I will on Thursday. This is the only piercing that I have left to do.) $46

Get the hair fried, dyed(I am really getting the hair dyed...Back to black baby...Red makes me look mean as fugg, and everyone knows that I am a super nice person *looks around*), and flipped to the side...$128(Its worth it dammit)

Mani & Pedi...$75

Arguing with F as to why I need to bring 14 pairs of shoes with me on vacation...Priceless, or at least me "having my way" and the make-up sex was...

Anyways fam, I am going on vacation...Yes, yes, yes, words cannot express how excited I am...That is until I think about the five hour flight to Louisiana that we have...Straight up bullshit...Y'all just don't know...I mean I'm good through security, boarding, seating, hell even take-off...What kills me is that turbulence B.S...I can just pretty much imagine the scenario...

*Beep**And by this time I'm gonna be tipsy as hell* "Good afternoon this is your captain speaking...We will be experiencing a little TURBULENCE...please remain seated and buckle your seatbelts"
*still calm*
*still calm*
*plane begins to shake*
*a little stirred, but no biggie*
*plane shaking so terribly my glass of Moet falls to the floor**In my loud ghetto tone* "Aww, you know what, this is straight up bullshit...Turbulence my ass, I mean you ain't got to lie to me...Is this mothafucka going down...Don't lie to me bytch..."
"No Ma'am its just turbulence"
*Crying hysterically* "I'm too young to die, I have a puppy to take care of...Who's gonna take care of her if this bytch goes down...I don't wanna die...I don't wanna die...Oh lawd why"
And ETC!!! So yes fam, this shall be an interesting Friday... You know what I'm sick of...My mothafucking neighbors and their constant need to fuck...I know I can't talk about anyone, seeing how you can catch me riding F's dick at least 4 hours out of the day...But y'all just don't know...I've been over there at least six times within the past week to tell them mothafuckas to keep it down...Anyhoo, I will be on vacation until I feel like coming back...I promise to bring back souvenirs...Pictures at the most...Well thats it fam...I miss ya already...

Flyleaf – All Around Me


Update: Yes, Yes the Bytch is back...I probably won't speak on my trip until tomorrow and thats not a promise...Anyways today is our baby's 3 month birthday so we are gonna take her to the park and have a little picnic/party for her...Peace out Fam...

Sorry About The Laziness....

1. But, this chick is f'ing overwhelmed with B.S. right now...Anyways I decided to engage in this little "The more you know about the T" fiasco...Here it is, enjoy...

2. What book are you reading?
Currently, I'm trying to finish "My Best Friend & My Man by Cydney Rax"...Though niggaliterature, its not a bad read...

3. Favorite board game?
Monopoly all time rocking game...


4. Favorite magazine?
Oh well this is a tough one...I don't really read magazines...So imma have to say "Black Enterprise"..Gotta stay current on the "Real"


5. Favorite smells?
Gucci & Issi on my man...

6. Favorite sounds?
Silence...And pouring water...

7. Worst feeling in the world?
Failure & Doubt....


8. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?
It's too damn early...


9. Favorite fast food place?
Hardee's


10. Future child’s name?
Wow...I've never thought about this but ummm, possibly Stacy, Meagan, or Stephanie for a girl...And a boy...Lets see...Courtney, or Dominique...Whatever, the last name shall be Wright...


11. Finish this statement. “If I had lot of money I’d….?
I already do...So I guess I will just go to the Casino...

12. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
I sleep with my man...

13. Storms - cool or scary?
The Bestest...Making love in the rain...Though overrated, is the bidness....

14. Favorite drink?
Mojito...

15. Finish this statement, “If I had the time I would….”?
Take a tour of Africa....


16. Do you eat the stems on broccoli?
Sometimes...

17. If you could dye your hair any color, what would be your choice?
Currently my hair is fiery red...The only color that I've ever dyed it...And will remain this way unless I find something more fitting....


18. Name all the different cities/towns you’ve lived in?
Too many to name...

19. Favorite sports to watch?
Football...Big men tackling each other and I'm on it...


21. What’s under your bed?
Piggy Bank & Condoms...(Don't Ask)

22. Would you like to be born as yourself again?
Abso-fucking-lutely

23. Morning person, or night owl?
Not really a morning person...I do my best work at night...

24. Over easy, or sunny side up?
Over easy


25. Favorite place to relax?
My entertainment room...


26. Favorite pie
Pecan Pie...Is the bidness...

Number Two...First...

"So baby do you have any plans for the night"...I held the phone tightly to my ear, as if this would help me out with the question that F just asked me...I really don't feel like going out tonight...But I also don't want to lie to him..."None what so ever, why? Did you want to do something tonight?"..."How does dinner and a movie sound"...a slight pause in my response, still debating a evening of bliss or just take my tired ass to sleep..."Sure baby, give me a couple hours"..."Absolutely, pick you up, say seven-ish"...I let out a deep sigh..."Awesome"

"This has got to be the nastiest shit I've ever tasted"...I say while I'm pushing my dish of Chicken Parmesan to the side..."Oh, would you like to order something different"...F asks with a look of genuine concern of his face..."Its okay, I'm really not that hungry"..."Are you sure"..."Yes"..."Well I'm not going to dine alone"...He states as he also pushes his meal aside..."How about we finish this bottle of wine, and catch that movie I promised"...I'm searching his face in hopes of receiving a sense of calmness...The last thing that I want to do is piss this man off all because I really didn't want his/anybodys company tonight...Takes a sip of wine..."Sure baby"...

"Did you at least enjoy the movie"...He asks as he begins to open my side of his truck door..."Yes, I did. You know I'm a sucker for a good action flick."..."Yes indeed"...He chuckles...closes the door...I begin to think the thoughts that always flood through my brain right around this time..."Are we ready"..."Will it be the same afterwards"..."No, I don't think were ready"..."Come on bitch, think of a good excuse"..."Its that time of the month"..."No that won't work, F knows EXACTLY when I'm due"..."Umm, got to be to work real early in the morning"..."Shit, Shit, Shit"...all of which is done within the five, six seconds it takes him to get into the truck...I put on a smile to mask my concern..."Believe it or not baby I really had a good time tonight"...He smiles a naughty grin..."It doesn't have to end just yet"...he replies...My eyes gets as big as half dollars...I place my right index finger on my lips and begin to think..."I mean its not that I don't WANT him"..."I've wanted that man since I first laid eyes on him"..."Then whats the problem"..."There can't be no question as to if he wants you too"..."Come on this man goes out of his way to please you"...I'm shaken from my thoughts when F states..."I guess I will be alone again tonight"...I ask "Whats that"...Not that I didn't hear him the first time...I just needed more time to think..."I said I guess I will be alone again tonight"...jokingly I respond..."Not if you play your cards right"...Silence, pure silence the last twenty-one minutes in the drive home...

"So Mr. Wright, what are your plans for the evening"...I ask him in the doorway..."Don't know, but I was hoping to spend it with the lady in my life. Thats only if she wants to do the same"..."Did you ask her"..."Not yet"..."Well what are you waiting for..."The right time"...I smile..."Well good luck with that babe, its been fun. Now if you don't mind I'm going in now. Call me once you make it home"...I turn around and walk in "accidentally" leaving the door open...

"You know you left your door open. Bad men can come in and do bad things to you if you keep this up"...I pretend to be startled and respond flirtatiously ..."Is that so, I'll have to be more careful . Don't want those bad men to get in do awful things to me"..."Well its a little too late, I'm already in"...he says while slowly undressing me...He has a look in his eyes that I'm so familiar with yet so confused..."Not necessarily, my panties are still intact..."I'm working on it"...He begins kissing my neck and slowly made his way to the place where he BELONGS...Kissing and licking...Kissing and licking...My eyes rolling to the back of my head, knees shaking...Me catching some of Luther's lyrics every now and then...screaming..."Baby, yes, gat damn this feels good, don't stop, baby please don't stop"...More and More...I'm fighting to breath...But with every circle he made around my clit...The fight became harder...Finally a pause...But little did I know it was only the beginning...After what seemed like hours of "making out" finally he gave me what I really wanted...Yes, indeed...On top of my queen sized bed the man made love to me six ways to Sunday...Missionary, from the back, the front, side, left and right...Orgasms on top of orgasms...Screaming and yelling...Moaning and groaning...Too much, too much, too much...I've never...As we lay in each others remnants of pleasure, I couldn't help but think to myself..."I could get used to this"...At least I thought it was to myself...He responded..."So can I, baby you got me. I ain't going no where"...I poke him in the side and laugh..."You better not, cause if you do I will find you and it won't be nice"...he laughs "Nope, ain't got to worry about me, this is just too good to give up."...More conversation...I can't tell you when we fell asleep...But I woke up feeling superior and with the same fire from the night before...Bet you can't guess how I spent my morning...:SCENE:



I don't know who made this video...But being the walking jukebox that I am...I must clarify that this isn't Tyrese...Its actually The Transitions...See ya learn somethin new everyday...

Number One...First...

This is some bullshit...Were the first words out of my mouth when I realized that LIFE is no joke...I left my parents house at 18...Happy go lucky...Free spirited...Naive..."Hey this just might not be as bad as I thought"...See, told you I was naive...I only had fifty dollars to my name, and a pack of gum...But I was free...No more waking up at O'Dark Thirty to make coffee for the parents...No more cleaning my room...No more hiding my freakiness...No more, no more, no more...I remember that day like it was yesterday...Mother was standing in the door with a snarky grin on her face..."Just know that if you ever need us were here for you"...Is what she said, but when it comes to the moms...I'm pretty much a mind reader..."She's scared, but we raised her well. My baby will be alright"...Yeah, a mind reader...Driving, just driving...Hoping to come up with a plan that I should have had before I even stepped foot out of that house...Just driving on top of more driving...Soon the tears began to flow...Reality hit me like a bag of conscience bricks..."What am I doing. Where am I going to go. I have no place to stay. Barely enough money for food. Lord what have I done."...All the while I'm thinking back to the look on my mothers face...It was my only motivation...Still is...Yeah, all the motivation that I needed to face this cruel world...That, and all the teachings...The first couple of years were pretty tough...I struggled, but was used to it considering that the majority of my years were filled with tears, and prayers...The majority of which came from my parents...Like I said before, they did the best that they could for us, but when I say we had it rough, its only a cover up for my actual growing up...I made bad choices...Had to face up to it...Even worked three jobs at once...Just to satisfy the bad habits that I had/have...The constant need to "fit in", so buying of unnecessary shit became my addiction...You know the shit that a naive bitch needs to feel important...Hundred dollar shoes, clothes, jewelry, purses...I admit, the bills, the threats from the bill collectors, didn't phase me...I was/still is fucking fierce...So they could just toss the threats along with their asses out the window...I didn't care...I was finally living...

*Remembers the look on my Mothers face that long, long day ago*

What was it that actually made me get my shit together...My FUTURE...Not only am I conceited, but also very stubborn...No way in hell I was going to show back up to the parents house with bags in tow...No ma'am, no sir...I refuse...I couldn't stand the embarrassment, the "I told you so's" from nosy mothafuckas, the "She ain't never goin be shit" from the same nosy ones...No, No, No...So I began to make a life change...No more bad choices...No more hanging with the crowd who will only bring me down, instead of the betterment of my person...No more partying instead of paying bills...and etc...It wasn't easy going from sinner to saint(for lack of any better analogy I decided to use that one, bite me)...Lots of tears were shed...There were even days that I just wanted to give it all up...Motivation, Motivation, Motivation, that, alot of cursing, chain-smoking, and liquor...I made it through...Though not perfect...I must admit that this ol broad is doing pretty good for herself...Considering my life journey began with a 50 and a pack of gum...Who's Bad!!! :SCENE:

...First...

Hello party peoples...Is it all grood(great & good) in yo hood...Me, yeah I'm doing bettah than eva...Considering I've been up since 4 in the morning crying out "Lawd will it ever stop" in the bathroom...Let me explain...Last night I got this weird craving for banana pudding...F being the darling that he is, went through hell and high water to satisfy the craving...I'm spoiled, I know it...Anyhoo, he made a crater sized bowl of the shyt...And me oh my ate it all up...Don't worry, I shared...Here's the kicker...I topped it off with my nightly coontini...I was in the mood for some Gin & Juice...Snoop style...Yep, I paid for my naughtiness this morning...Not to gross ya out or anythang, but I was feeling it...So fam...Topic of the week...Firsts...Take it how ya want it...But if ya knows anything about me...It shall be nothing but the best...Moving, soul-shakin, filling, just what the doctor ordered, satisfying, and SCENE!!!...

I Hear 'Em Call Da Wild, And Do It All The While...

Doggy & Froggy Style...What!!! Fuck Me -Ludaris

Hi my good peoples...I would love to stay and chat with ya but I've got plans...If ya must know what exactly those plans are...Imma about to bake some cookies...For those of you who know me than ya know what the hells I'm talkin bout...For those who don't Luda shall enlighten ya...I'LL HOLLA!!!



Update: Okay fam imma be real honest with y'all you see this post that I did sometime last night...I don't even remember typing that shyt...LMAO, well since its here I thought that I would use it as my blackboard...Basically tells ya what I have planned for the weekend...First I shall sleep...Matter of fact once I'm done with this, my azz is going back to sleep...Secondly I plan on going over to a friends place and do nothing but have a wonderful discussion on world peace...Sike, we shall talk about nothing but the nasty, while consuming mass quantities of likka...What shall happen on Saturday...I have no definite plans...And so forth and so on...So thats it fam...Have a fantabolous weekend...Y'all be safe now ya hear...I don't want to come back to e-mails and phone calls of someone needing me to bail them out or some shyt like that...I'LL HOLLA!!!

SEDUCTION....From Lame-O To Game-O

*Turns down the Miles Davis...prepares the seriousness to elaborate on the topic of the week* "Okay Shawn, not even a subtle hint of hilarity on this one, SHE is depending on you"

Seduction...Where do I begin...I mean Webster has this definition of which we are meant to believe...I agree for the most part...But since I'm only handling the social aspect of it...I will save my views for the meeting on Friday...

1: the act of seducing; especially : the enticement of a person to sexual intercourse2: something that seduces : temptation3: something that attracts or charms


Seduction is more than enticing someone into sexual intercourse...True its sexy, erotic, sensual, stimulating...But so is any other thing that you can just about think of...From a personal note, I see it as a "stairway" to the ultimate satisfaction...

Seducing has always been a challenge for many men/women in our new generation...Crazy huh seeing as though it takes only a hello to seduce a man...At least thats how I see it...And I have proof...Anyways

Men/Women these days seem to have gone through a cultural change which has stripped their ability to attract and seduce the opposite sex...Seduction, broken down, to a point where it is methodical and predictable, is currently the crutch for the men/woman who otherwise would not have been to naturally embrace the art of seduction...

Why is this the case?...Why have men/women lost their natural ability to seduce the opposite sex?...I can't really really give a honest answer, but I can give a honest opinion...These days, the modern man/woman spends hours a day in a frozen, dumb state...Either in front of a computer, portraying his or her thoughts through a keyboard, watching TV,...People everywhere are being isolated from society...After working for 8 hours(ten in my case) at a computer which only responds to mouse clicks, the mental switch to have a delightful conversation with a beautiful woman or handsome man seems daunting...We must make this switch from ‘logical, isolated, non-creative’ to a more social, imaginative and friendly state...To properly engage in seduction...

In Seduction, there are many ways to make this switch...Though given the time that I have...Only one shall come from my person...

Through understanding the art of seduction, you can lead your mind to perform logical behaviors and gradually switch into a more social, imaginative state...Once you have fully understood the art of seduction, you can actually stay in a fully logical state...which is comfortable to you...and embrace a natural, enticing conversation with a beautiful woman or man...In a way, you are converting the previously very vague art of seduction to a more logical state which your daily mind can handle...Normally none of this would be necessary...But as I stated above society has wrecked havoc on our social skills...And seduction, in my opinion is slowly became a thing of the past...People nowadays are so "get to it already" we are no longer taking the necessary time needed to pursue anything/anyone...Its understandable, I mean from personal experience, my schedule is packed to the brim...

"And you want me to possibly take a pay cut to engage you in flirting which will nine times out of ten lead to us having sex...How about we just skip the whole flirting part...I've got somewhere to be in an hour"

See this is how I think, and am pretty sure that most of fellow my peers have the same mentality...We barely have time for ourselves...I don't know fam, like I said before these are just my observations...Back to the lesson at hand...I think that the economy is also playing a big role on the diminishing Art Of Seduction...We are too busy trying to make money, pay bills, take care of home...Trying to balance out these known factors with mingling if you will, is nonsense...We have better things to do with our time...I'm gonna stop right here fam, this is slowly turning into a novel on "How Bush Has Fucked America" than what it was intended to be...Breaking loose from the confinement of anti-seduction...To, going after something that if you play your cards right...Is almost a guarantee at the end of the night...I'LL HOLLA...

Update: So fam I have received three e-mails so far as to what the hell I am talking about...I should have stated this before the post...But anyways...Me and the gurls are not just party animals(believe that shyt if ya want to) we actually have some substance...Anyways we usually get together some time of the week to discuss books, life-stories, food, drinks, politics, men with big dicks...Just about anything that is thought provoking...Well this week we are discussing Seduction...Each of us will be discussing our chosen aspect of it...Mine being the effect that society has on the art-form...S.M. will be elaborating on forms of seduction...So forth and so on...Just thought that I would throw that out there...So no, don't send the van with the little white jacket...I don't like vans and though the thought of tight clothing is always appealing to me...I don't think I would look too hot in that jacket...Peace out peoples...

Phone Stalking/Seduction

So whats up peoples...How the hells was yo weekend...Mine, well the usual...You know the type of weekend that when I wake up there is at least three things that usually come out of my mouth..."Who the fuck are you?"..."This is some bullshit"...or "You've got to be kidding me"...Not so much of the "Who the fuck are you" since I've hanged up the hooker badge for F...More so of the other two...Anyways peoples ya gurl was/is being phone stalked...By this guy whom I messed around with like three years ago...

"Whats up mami how are you"
"Good papi, ¿Y tú?"
"Pretty good"
"Now I must ask this and please forgive me if I should know but exactly who am I speaking with(I had no clue)"
"This is Pedro(his name isn't really Pedro, I'm just using this because he's Mexican, and we all know at least one Mexican named Pedro)"
"Not ringing a bell, but obviously you know me...May I ask how?"
"Don't you remember we had a thing a few years ago"
"Now I do...What can I do for you"
"I was thinking that we could you know talk, catch up"
"Why"
"I think that what we had wasn't meant to be just a one-time thing"
"Like hell it wasn't"
"Why"
"Baby I really don't know how you got my number, to be honest with you I don't give a damn...But we boned, thats it...Not nothing shall come from it...Besides it was like three years ago...Trust me I wasn't thinking about your ass...Lets see, I've gotten divorced...Went on a fuck-spree, and met my future ex-hubby(Just kidding babe if you read this)...So as you can see what we had was just that, a ride & goodbye..."
"You don't mean that"
"Like hell I don't...Besides it could never work between us...I'm trying to get a Black Card...You don't even have a green card...I don't mean to demean you or anything...Its just that I am a very, very, picky woman, not only when its comes to myself...But also any man that I spend time with..."
"Oh I see, but I still think that if you give me a chance"
"(I cut that mofo off mid-sentence)THIS ISN'T GONNA WORK!!! Do us both a favor and lose my gat damn number"
*Click*

So yes fam this was the first convo of four...I've always knew that I had that stalker-type puzzay, but I didn't think that the effects would still be there three years later...I'm making progress though...Seduction, Seduction, yeah I'm gonna discuss this a little later this week...Be looking for it fam...Well thats it World...I'LL HOLLA!!!

Update: F sent me this video a few minutes ago...I agree Mr. Ja Rule, baby its ya body...Cause if we went by that face of yours, I wouldn't touch you with a broom-stick...And F darling......................boy stop it...

Drunk Posting...

Is this even legal...anyways fam I am like tore what they call the fuck up right now...I'm headed to party number 3...If I don't make it back, the fam gets all of everything that I own...That is all...

Weekend Debauchery Part Dos...

Listen up carefully Fam..Just go along with the videos and you will indeed know exactly what it is that the Misses will be doing this weekend...I decided to try something a little different this week, for the music shall tell the tale of my life...Let us begin...

Friday: I shall be doing a little of this:
Well thats only cause F has been bumping this song all day...Damn I can take a clue...It will be followed by this:
Fuck staying in the house all weekend long...I've got thangs ta do...Moving right along...Ive really been in the mood for some of this lately:
Yeah some of that good shyt...
Crawl my azz into bed once again only to be awakened by some of this:
Midnight X-stasy, boy you can't go wrong...Well all good thangs must come to an end, and its time to ask for forgiveness:

Have a wonderful weekend fam...Be safe, postitive, and be lovin...Well thats it world I'LL HOLLA!!!

I Got What Cha Want...

Got What Ya Need. -Nicole Ray *Y'all memba this chick*

Hola!! Saludo Fam, how the hells are ya, madam T is feeling pretty damn good right about now...Considering the fact that I was handing out free ass-whooping coupons earlier today...I'm soooo full of joy at this present moment, maybe its cause I gots me some of that daddy long-stroke...Who knows...Anywayz, I promised to speak on the insane weekend(More like insane Friday) I had so here goes, ya ready...

After the fact that I was canoodled into fucking up my equilibrium by going FISHING..."Come on now, I would have rather set my cooch on fire than to do some UN-GODLY shit as such"...I was good...Got together with one of my bestest friends in the whole wide world, Sierra(The black blow-up doll) and some acquaintances...Celebrated the 4th in the no bytchassedness basher style that we are so familiar with...F got so drunk...My baby was LEANING son...This is the man who has a few beers and calls it a night...But on Friday his ass was tore up...Ya best believe I took at least a hundred photos of him in his drunkness...Karma is a bitch...Partied hearty...We had some of them missile style fireworks that shoots off about 300 rounds...Can you imagine a bunch of black (F is an exception) drunk folk shooting rockets and shit...What a sight...Took our asses home around dawn...We must have been pretty inebriated...Woke up and ALL of the appliances were on, i.e. the T.V.s, DVD players, the dack-swang charger...I'm questioning Boston like "Don't lie to me, did you turn all of this on?"

Saturday was the day of recuperation...Did much of nothing but nurse each others hangovers and soreness of the naughty areas...I've only had one drunken fuck fest with F before...The man turns into the Incredible Hulk...Not something that I wants on a regular...The cooch has stretch marks afterwards...Doing hours of Kegel exercises to get back to normal is no fun...And that is NOT HOT...The highlight of the day was the convo I had with S.M...If I'm not mistaken it went a little something like this...

Moi-"Hi Bay"
S.M.-"I needs some dick"
Moi-"Well get straight to the point why don't you, don't ask me how I'm doing"
S.M.-"I really need some dick"
Moi-"Well Safeway is having that Great Meat Sale once again, and at least you get a money back guarantee if you're not completely satisfied"
S.M.-"My horniness is a joke to you"
Moi-"Yes maam, I really don't feel sorry for you. What, don't you have about 19 fuck buddies and yet you still need some dick. I just don't understand"
S.M.-"Let me rephrase, I need dick with stability"
Moi-*Chokes on the refreshing Mojito I was inhaling* (Sierra is anti-relationship and to hear she is willing to be in one made me ask for forgiveness for the end is near)"The hell?!?!?! Are you drunk?"
S.M.-"Maybe, but you have no proof. Seriously though, I want a man."
Moi-"Well with your track-record you should have no problem finding one"
S.M.-"I hate you"
Moi-"No you don't, I'm just saying there is no way possible you will be happy with one man, at least at the current moment. Once you start to get your grown woman on then its a possibility."
S.M.-"So are you saying that I'm not mature enough to be in a relationship"
Moi- "Not mature as in childish, more on the lines of the man would have to be Zeus or some shit like that to make you not stray from the path of righteousness."
S.M.- "I guess you're right, would you happen to have Zeus's number, I'm still in need of some dick, stability or not"
Moi-"On that note I'm hanging up, right now. Bye, you crazy woman."

I don't even know why I entertains this hooker...She has no sense...Anyways, Sunday nothing dramatic occurred...I did get pretty twisted though...And payed for that shit today...Well thats it Fam, the sexiness that goes by the name of T is about to lay it down...Until Next Time World...I'LL HOLLA!!!!

Update: Sorry Fam, no time for a real post so I will just do a bunch of updating...Anyways we really need to go grocery shopping...


Do y'all see what F has me surviving on,Bucket O Mojito, and Condiments...I love this man...



I just want to say thanks to the man/woman who came up with the idea of Bucket Mojito...Thank you so much, hell its less work for me...Just pour and go...



"Y'all ain't nevah got matching shyt, kool-aid no sugar, peanut butter no jelly."