Fear Of Commitment....

Yes, I'm working on it. Normally by this time I would have found some kind of way to sabotage the relationship that I'm currently in because, well I don't have a good enough excuse. "I don't see myself being with you any longer," is what two of the exes heard, but all the while I was thinking "he's smothering me, I NEED MY SPACE." Fucked up, I know, but Men today just don't give me the want & need to want & need them, well besides my man of course, but more on him later. I mean most of the men that I have been with serious with, a total of three to be exact, were decent, hell one wowed me enough to marry him, but as I look back, neither one stood a chance. Men today are too soft, irresponsible, scared, immature, confused and etc. Lets elaborate on each of my convictions a little shall we.....

Too Soft- Kanye 'Nuff Said

Irresponsible- I was just on one of my favorite sites O Hell Nawl, so many comments on the "Behold A Lady" thread touched me but a single moms cry shook me to the core. I mean what ever happened to society(Men, This is a Man's World Isn't It) standing by women, praising her because she bears life, loving her, protecting her, respecting her, lifting her higher, the words bitch and hoe wouldn't have even been uttered to a notoriously known whore, Why you say, out of the respect and fact that she is a Woman. The "Children Having Children" rate would be diminished out of the fact that Fathers would actually play a part in their lives, therefore relinquishing the phenomena of "Single Moms." But whats in the past is only a mere reflection of the present. To actually have men "Step Up To The Plate" is a little too much to ask now is it, they would rather degrade women in musical lyrics and million dollar videos(true we allow this to occur, but as men, supposed leaders, a line should be drawn), impregnate us only to leave when the words are uttered, and etc... Don't get me wrong there may be a lot of men out there in which this has absolutely nothing to do with, but pretty much the majority of men nowadays fall into at least one of the categories. Moving on now shall we....

Scared- Now this is just my observation of Black Men, being that I'm black, and the only "outside of race" relationship that I've been in is my current one. I once asked a male friend of mine what is it about other race women that attracts you to them more than a black woman? The answer I received was shocking and in my opinion just insane, "See with a black woman, more work is involved, its harder to please her. Now with chicks of other races, they settle, happier with what you give them and you don't have to work so hard to get the ass." What!?!?! I've never... Don't get me wrong I have absolutely nothing against interracial dating but the thought of a black man not wanting anything to do with a black woman because she isn't "easy" in all aspects of a relationship makes me a little salty.

Immature- I think my notion above pretty much sums up this one too.

Confused And Etc- I'm filing the DL situation under this one. Men, Men, Men, please decide on as to what it is exactly that you want. Stop making us suffer from the lies, pain, and in some cases diseases because either you're to scared to admit to this or ashamed. Either way, please stop. So many of my sisters are dying because of your pride, and your ego's, when are you going to realize this? If you are man enough to get low, than be man enough to let us know something, please, for the sake of the continuation of "Beautiful Black People", and all others.

Now that I have given a little more insight as to why I usually bash all of my relationships, let me just say that this was never a problem to me, because I had my reasons. Now being in my current relationship, for once, I'm willing to work on this little flaw that I have. For once I am seeing that there is hope for the male species out there, and this is one relationship I won't be ending because of my fear of commitment. So for those who were wondering why I Bitch-slapped him this morning, well, cause I can damnit... Had to let him know who the boss is at all times, work, play, shit it don't matter. Until Next Time World...I'LL HOLLA!!!!